This thread is so gay

[thatlaurachick]

+1 to all above.

[I X]

So good! Loved it.

[Psyclone]

This makes me want to be a gay man in Toronto.

[I X]

This makes me want to be a gay man in Toronto.

I couldn't agree more. It all looks so wholesome.

[AlexanderDitto]

This makes me want to be a gay man in Toronto.

Me too! Damn it, Toronto! Why are you so cool?

Canada! Let me in yoooouuuu.

[aeric90]

Thanks everyone. I'm glad you enjoyed it. We're really proud of the film and we hope a lot of people watch it.

Fun facts I guess: The main character is an actor and not part of the team, however everyone else appearing in the rugby section is a team member. The adorable hug that my teammates Sean and Mike share (which got an awwwwww every time it was shown at the premiere) was candid and unscripted.

Incidentally I was out of town that weekend so I wasn't involved in the filming.

[Agloriouscuppa]

I'm late to the party but its an awesome film!

[Psyclone]

The title is a little awkward though, considering this article.

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2015209413_gaysoftball02m.html

[theDreamer]

Ok, that's just underhanded.

Not that you have to be gay to be on the team (with two exceptions), or even that gay is defined as SPECIFICALLY men (by whatever definition?) who are exclusively attracted to men.

No, what's underhanded is this was a ploy to weaken a team before the finals of a series.

[Psyclone]

Is that what it was about? I just assumed they were dicks.

[theDreamer]

Well, the coach of the other team was all "yo! those guys aren't gay!"

Not "Those guys are making it a bad environment for play by being anti-gay."

The later? Acceptable, and well within the rights of the league, according to the law.

The former? A dick move made by a man who knows he's going to lose a softball match.

[Drinnik]

They should have just filmed themselves in a 69...

[tak197]

This is my rugby team's new recruitment video!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=txg9PBGy7FY&feature=youtube_gdata_player

OMG I love all of you right now.

I second that sentiment.

Though, probably in a more hot in the pants sort of way.

[Agloriouscuppa]

I just found out that it got reposted to Reddit and has been causing quite the stir over there... And not just in the circle jerk on r/LGBT,everyone in r/gaymers were discussing it last night!

[AlexanderDitto]

So I guess that, now that I'm back in Philadelphia (got back last Thursday), in the interest of closure I should talk about what happened during my trip to Florida, or at least the stuff that happened that would be relevant to this thread, beyond what I've already related (that my mom told my sister).

To be honest, there's not terribly much to report. I think it was the first or second night I was there, my mother and I had a short discussion about it, in which I basically deconstructed her naive ideas about gender norms, pointed out how foolish they were. She understood, but we still ended up at the "I don't accept it, I'll never accept it, don't push it on me."

I had a long conversation with my dad about gay marriage on the drive down to Miami. He seems to understand my reasoning, and I basically got him to admit that he'd support civil unions. His sticking point was the name, and I pointed out the analogy to Plessy v. Ferguson. Unfortunately we arrived at our destination just about then (I had spent a lot of the trip commiserating with him about my mother's unreasonable behavior). I suspect he, like my mother, still just feels that it's "wrong" somehow, and is reluctant to push past that feeling. Also he still doesn't want me to tell anyone, ever, because he's convinced it would ruin my career.

I was only alone with my sister once, so I finally sucked it up and brought up the subject with her. Stupidly I started the conversation by bringing up the fact that my mother told her about it. My sister started off saying she didn't really believe it, but then switched and said she had always kind of suspected it. She seemed OK with it, "whatever makes you happy," but with the addendum that "I don't think [being gay] will make you happy." Went through the "it's not a choice" thing and a bunch of other stupid crap, but she seemed to be the most OK with it out of all of them. I also think she was a little upset I didn't tell her before telling my parents, so whoever had that on their bingo card, get out your stamps. Also reiterated the "don't tell anyone ever" sentiment of my parents.

Frustratingly, the topic came up a few times in a family context. My grandfather owns two small apartment buildings in miami, one with six apartments and one with five. In the building with five... one of them is rented by a young (pretty flamboyant) gay guy, one of them is rented by a lesbian (she's very nice, she's had a few girlfriends since I moved out), and one is rented by an old man who is almost certainly gay (he was a florist, he has a huge portrait of a nude man in his apartment that was apparently his "wife", but passed away at some point in the past...). And, of course, my family scoffs at all of them. Even though they're all very nice, very good tenants.

On the last day when my mom brought me to the train station, we had a conversation about it again. My mom realized I was leaving, and was in sad, sentimental mode, so our conversation was... rather pleasant. We talked about gender norms (she seemed shocked and somewhat incredulous to hear that not all gay men are flamboyant queens and that lesbians can be feminine) and I tried to disabuse her of the notion that there has to be a "girl" gay and a "guy" gay in a gay couple.

This lead to me finally realizing one of the things that was worrying her. She assumed that, because I'm a fairly "normal," (blech, I keep telling them that that word has no meaning) masculine guy, that would mean the person I would date would have to be a guy who was a flaming fairy. A "girl" gay. Something she would not be able to stand.

Though a ridiculous concern, I reassured her that they were not my type. No thank you. It's frustrating and ridiculous how much they won't or don't want to know about me. They'll never know who I find attractive or what sort of character I look for in a partner. They never want to hear it.

The conversation ended with her basically saying that she'd never accept it, and didn't want to talk about it, doesn't want to ever meet a boyfriend, but that didn't change the fact that she loves me and she'd never reject me over it, that I'm really important to her, that she'd always be there for me, and that family is always there. Which... I don't really understand, because she doesn't seem to understand how much those statements contradict themselves... but whatever. I let it slide. She also told me that though she doesn't want to talk about it, my dad is always there.... She seemed to imply that I should talk with my dad if I have issues.

I think that stems from concerns they have that I'm depressed, or tired of my life as a PhD student, which I don't think I am... some days I can get pretty morose, but that's usually just because I'm tired. They kept trying to talk about where meaning comes from in your life, but every time they did I think they just ended up bumming themselves out about how their lives are... a little disappointing.

What most frightens me is that after just two weeks of being down there, I began to think, "well, you know, maybe they're right. Maybe I should hide who I am. Why should I tell people? It's nobody's business. It's not my responsibility to stick my neck out and be a role model. Maybe I'm naive. Maybe they're right, maybe I don't know who I am or who I like..." I don't know why, but the whole thing just got into my head. I had to spend time thinking about it, saying, no, that's not right. That's terrible, and selfish, and I don't think it's right.

In the end... I guess they're slowly going to grow, if nothing else, accustom to the fact. Whether that means they're more willing to talk about it, or whether they try to educate themselves about things, or whether they just continue to be childish about it remains to be seen. I have a feeling nothing's really going to change with them. And, I think I've almost come to terms with it. Honestly? I'm lucky enough to have surrounded myself with people who are supportive and wonderful and smart, people who I think are wiser, and who I respect a lot more than my parents.

Bleeech sorry for the wall of text.

[Arius]

*hugs for Alexander* Never hide through you are, why would anyone want to hide such kickassedness?

[Psyclone]

Don't give up Ditto, it sounds like things are getting a bit better. Don't think that it's better to hide who you are, because you're an amazingly awesome person and your family should be proud to have a son like you.

[JustAName]

I read your post out to Program while he was playing Minecraft, and we both just wanted to say that we think you're awesome.

Personally, I want to say that things like that may be insidious but I hope they never truly take over your head, because you are so amazing, and one of the people I am always excited to see post because of how reasoned, intelligent, and in-depth your posts tend to be. I've never met you, but just from my peripheral knowledge of you I can say that I would *love* to spend some time talking to you, not only because of how much I think I could learn just from casual conversation, but because of what a pleasant person I'm fairly sure you are. I realize this post is kind of scattered, but basically, I want to grow up to be you. So please don't ever stop being that person (unless you grow in a good way, of course).

[Danzama]

Ditto, you're an awesome guy and nobody in their right mind would want you to change who you are for a second. there's nothing i can really say to you that I haven't said over facebook. just know that we're all here for you.

[Master Gunner]

The scarf you knit for Desert Bus is still the most awesome piece of apparel I have, and you are an extremely awesome person. That awesomeness is derived from the sum total of your personality and who you are, including you being gay. So while you don't have to stand on top of a bus in a tutu proclaiming it to the world, never hide it. You'd just be hiding a bit of yourself and your awesomeness.

[Tycherin]

...a guy who was a flaming fairy. A "girl" gay.

This bit made me laugh. I used to hold this same sort of view about gay guys, but that notion was dispelled pretty quickly once I actually met a gay guy. I think this sort of attitude is common for people with no actual exposure to the subject, which is probably true of a lot of things...

Anyway, high five to you, sir, for working your way through this. You could have chosen to just be mad at your family and write them off, but you chose the high road, and for what it's worth, I respect that.

[tak197]

The confusion over what your mom said is easy to understand and decipher. Basically, she's in the "you can be gay, just don't act on it" phase of accepting it. You are going to have to drag her kicking and screaming through it all for her to accept you as a fully-grown adult male who happens to like other men. Yeah, that doesn't sound fun to me as well.

As for your other thoughts, we may not be nearby, but everyone on this forum is here on your side. Heck, the way we all chatted and hung out at PAX East showed me firsthand that this community is caring and loving, from the founders to the crew to the little forumites here. Tell you what, you get finished with your degree, and we'll make sure your tickets for graduation are claimed. I'm sure we could number crunch the data for you on how awesome you are and how accomplished you are, if you ever need more proof.

[Yaxley]

Hey all. Currently, Texas A&M University does not protect employees from discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity. A friend of mine is working to change that. He's hoping to get 1,000 signatures, so if you have a minute and could pop over to sign the petition, that would be fantastic. Thanks.

http://signon.org/sign/texas-am-protect-lgbt

[Metcarfre]

Signed.

[semysane]

Signed, and tweeted.

Edit: Also tweeted it at some internet celebrities I follow, hopefully one of them will retweet it.