The Big Relationship Thread

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Theremin
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Theremin » 21 Sep 2010, 10:45

Then I'd say you have some kind of sex/intimacy/trust issue that prevents you from finding sex satusfying, which isn't really an uncommon thing.

If you have a libido then you're really probably not asexual.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Master Gunner » 21 Sep 2010, 11:47

There are multiple variants of asexuality, so don't rule that out quite yet.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby the amativeness » 21 Sep 2010, 11:57

Theremin wrote:You need a mortgage to buy property.


No you don't.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Master Gunner » 21 Sep 2010, 12:00

My parents have had many houses, and have only held one mortgage each. They are also VERY good at selling their houses (in one instance, double what they paid for it, in a bad market), so yeah....

But yeah, generally for your first house it's either a mortgage, lottery, or inheritance.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Theremin » 21 Sep 2010, 12:22

Ah, lotteries, the shotgun weddings of the property world.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Metcarfre » 21 Sep 2010, 13:27

Or, buy a really cheap house in some podunk nowhere. An $80,000 outright purchase of a house versus $60,000 down payment on a $300,000 condo, for example.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Digital Dolphin » 21 Sep 2010, 13:48

Nothing kills a libido like talking about property financing XD
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby thatlaurachick » 21 Sep 2010, 14:08

Digital Dolphin wrote:Nothing kills a libido like talking about property financing XD


Mmmm, gonna have to disagree.

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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Septavius » 21 Sep 2010, 14:11

Despite it not making sense coming from me, the joke has to be made.

Property financing totally gets my real estate in a mogul, knowwhatimsayin'?
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Digital Dolphin » 21 Sep 2010, 15:29

Septavius wrote:Despite it not making sense coming from me, the joke has to be made.

Property financing totally gets my real estate in a mogul, knowwhatimsayin'?


That hurt.... PHYSICALLY :shock:
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Septavius » 21 Sep 2010, 16:49

Hey, this prime property may not be on the market but MAN does its value SWELL.


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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby thatlaurachick » 21 Sep 2010, 16:59

@Septavius .... hold still. Hey Keab42, can we get a forum version of twitpunch?
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Telaril » 22 Sep 2010, 17:09

Theremin wrote:'Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?'

Interesting question. Let's solve it.

Loved and lost:

PROS:

-Good memories
-Life Experience
-A better understanding of why a relationship can fail, which may help to prevent the same situation happening in the future.

CONS:

-Emotional trauma.
-Lasting bitterness and lasting grief, depending on how you lost.
-Many, many financial problems to solve (x2 if children are involved.)
-Returning to the dating scene post-loss can be difficult.

Never having loved:(NB: I'm defining this as having not had a hypothetical relationship, rather than never having been in love at all.)

PROS:

-No emotional trauma.
-No additional financial worry.

CONS:

-Possible positive experiences are missed out on.

***

Hmm. Your mileage may vary on this one.

I'm leaning towards 'Never having loved' being the better option, as it removes any negative experiences that may have occured, but still leaves the option for any hypothetical future relationships much clearer than the other option.


Anytime anyone weighs in on this debate on the "never having loved" side, I assume they must have lost at a fairly young age. Thus they assume that the default mental state of the "never having loved' option is one of neutral contentment and optimism... which is true when you're young but diminishes and darkens as you get older.

I was going to write a drawn out, melodramatic post about the feelings of isolation, worrying that you are defective or broken in some way, worrying that you're incapable of love, fear of being alone all your life, etc. etc. that are common in people who have never had a relationship and are older than, say, 25.

Instead, you can just watch the Red Dwarf episode "Thanks for the Memory," which makes this argument more comprehensively than I ever could.

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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby King Kool » 22 Sep 2010, 20:02

Still a virgin.

I don't know if I'm just a tangled little knot of kinks and bitterness that nobody would want to unwind.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Telaril » 22 Sep 2010, 21:06

King Kool wrote:Still a virgin.

I don't know if I'm just a tangled little knot of kinks and bitterness that nobody would want to unwind.


Honestly I'd say it probably has more to do with not knowing how to talk to girls, not having self confidence, and not knowing how to dress maybe?

This isn't a judgment on you specifically... I don't know you outside of what you post on the forums. I just know a lot of smart, relatively nerdy guys who went a long time without a romantic relationship, and those are generally the leading causes. As a geek girl I've pretty much EXCLUSIVELY dated guys who were tangled little knots of bitterness. Or, as a friend put it "tightly wound around a dense core of pain."

So yeah, it's probably your skills and socialization rather than any essential flaw. That's just a trap that it's easy to fall into, and one that kind of proves my earlier point about loving and losing. I've been close to that trap before, believe me, and I still teeter on the edge of it from time to time.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Ringo803 » 22 Sep 2010, 21:32

17 years single...what in all hell is wrong with me?
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby thatlaurachick » 22 Sep 2010, 21:46

Absolutely nothing. There is nothing wrong with waiting until you're older to date.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Telaril » 22 Sep 2010, 21:50

Ringo803 wrote:17 years single...what in all hell is wrong with me?


I would say the modern media? Not everyone is getting laid at 17. Notch the angst down a scotch. (by the way kids, I'm not feeling well and am all sorts of hopped up on things tonight, so I apologize in advance for any hyperhonesty or over-the-top sarcasm).

Also, here's a thing I really like that Dan Savage wrote about teenage boys. I don't agree with it 100%, but it's probably at least 65% true

Dan Savage wrote:and here, at your request, is my advice for the hard-up teenage boy:

You're having a hard time getting girls. That sucks. I remember what it was like when I was a young teenager and wanted boys and couldn't get any. It sucked. But the sad fact is that most young teenage boys are repulsive—that is, they are half-formed works in progress. Girls mature physically more quickly than boys, which means most girls your age already look like young women and they're generally attracted to (slightly) older boys—and there you are, aching for your first girlfriend, but still looking like a short, hairless chimp.

But don't despair, HUTB. Your awkward/repulsive stage will pass. In the meantime, here's what you need to do: Worry less about getting your young teenage self laid and start thinking about getting your 18- or 20-year-old self laid. Join a gym and get yourself a body that girls will find irresistible, read—read books—so that you'll have something to say to girls (the best way to make girls think you're interesting is to actually be interesting), and get out of the house and do shit—political shit, sporty shit, arty shit—so that you'll meet different kinds of girls in different kinds of settings and become comfortable talking with them.

Some more orders: Get a decent haircut and use deodorant and floss your teeth and take regular showers and wear clean clothes. Go online and read about birth control and STIs, and learn enough about female anatomy that you'll be able to find a clitoris in the dark. Masturbate in moderation—no more than 10 times a day—and vary your masturbatory routine. I can't emphasize this last point enough. A vagina does not feel like a clenched fist, HUTB, nor does a mouth, an anus, titty fucking, dry humping, or e-stim. If you don't want to be sending me another pathetic letter in five years complaining about your inability to come unless you're beating your own meat, HUTB, you will vary your routine now so that you'll be able to respond to different kinds of sexual stimulation once you do start getting the girls.

Good luck, kiddo.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby TheRocket » 22 Sep 2010, 21:57

Telaril is right.. for GEEK guys it's about self confidence and the way you dress and present yourself.

I hate to say it, but most people base attraction on first impressions and how you look before they get to know you. If you are a geek guy and you have these things:

1. Faded blue jeans that are high waisted, and tapered at the ankle
2. Kakies that are also high waisted and tapered at the ankle
3. a tucked in tshirt that probably has a semi clever computer/game statement to show how smart or sarcastic you can be
4. A belt for your high waisted pants and semi clever tucked in tshirt
5. No deoderant

You are probably not going to be attracting females very fast. If that is the look you like and the clothes you are comfortable in, then let it be. But maybe if you don't mind making a change, go into a jean store and a mall, and get soemone to help you pick out clothing. I used to work at a big and tall and I made larger gamer/geek guys up all the time (and I flirted with a lot of them too TEEHEE). A fantastic pair of dark jeans, a nice dress shirt and a sweet jacket can go a looooong way. And plus side you can probably get a sweet sexy girl to help you ;)

This isn't directed at you King Kool because I have no idea what you look like. I read yours and TElarils post and it made me think of the boys I was friends with back in school. I have never met angrier people than geeks who felt they were cast out by society for liking the things they did. They NEVER tried changing the way people viewed them by changing first and far most their ATTITUDE and they never tried something simple liek getting a new pair of jeans. I know I'm probably going to get a back lash of comments about how wrong it is to say someone should change their appearance to fit in, but that isn't the core of what I am saying. Fact is now a LOT of girls find things like computer guys and gaming sexy. Most of the pin up girls I work with spend their free time with their geeky boyfriends playing video games. But if you smell like 3 day old sweat and you look like you have been in your moms basement all day, you're probably not going to land that first date.

The whole attitude thing is a turn off as well. We know you are smart, we know you were picked on, it's time to let go of the past and try and be happy and positive about the places you are going. Show us what you have to offer, and we will come to you. Be confident in the things you like. You play D&D? Talk about it like it is the coolest shit in the world. Own it and we will ask you to teach us. Ever see a geeky guy with a sweet girlfriend? Probably because he has confidence and a good attitude.
Geek guys don't realize how big of a turn off an elitist and exclusive attitude is.

As for the "tighly wound around a dense core of pain" ... most people are. ( I like that description btw) The shitty but wonderful thing about that is most people you meet are hurting, broken individuals. That's the one thing no matter what race, religion, or sex that we most likely have in common. There aren't many, if any people you meet that can say they havn't felt lonely, dispared, hurt, broken hearted, outcast, guilty, fearful, shamed, humiliated or hopeless. If you let it ruin you, then you can't go forward to getting the things you want in life.. and that icludes a healthy relationship.

/end rant? what was that?? bed time???
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby TheRocket » 22 Sep 2010, 22:07

Ringo803 wrote:17 years single...what in all hell is wrong with me?



Dude, you're 17. Ther world is still waiting for you, no need to go looking for it.

Nothing is wrong with you. Think about it this way... Highschool is a small group of people that you havn't found anyone to be in a healthy, loving relationship with yet. University, outside career world, and the travel world will blow your mind with new exciting people to meet and mingle with. It's cliched but you are young and you havn't even hit the tip of the iceberg for opportunities.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Theremin » 23 Sep 2010, 02:18

Or if you can't wait for that, Craigslist is pretty awesome.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Lyinginbedmon » 23 Sep 2010, 02:19

TheRocketSiobhan wrote:
Ringo803 wrote:17 years single...what in all hell is wrong with me?



Dude, you're 17. Ther world is still waiting for you, no need to go looking for it.

Nothing is wrong with you. Think about it this way... Highschool is a small group of people that you havn't found anyone to be in a healthy, loving relationship with yet. University, outside career world, and the travel world will blow your mind with new exciting people to meet and mingle with. It's cliched but you are young and you havn't even hit the tip of the iceberg for opportunities.

And even then, I met the most awesome girl I've ever encountered on an Internet forum. The people you see around you are not all that exist and, in fact, are seldom the best.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby The Jester » 23 Sep 2010, 02:48

Ringo803 wrote:17 years single...what in all hell is wrong with me?

How much of those 17 years did girls matter, anyway? I'm guessing that for the first ten years, at least, you really didn't care about girls. I don't know when you noticed them, but it's gotta be inside the last five, six years.

Even if you had dated at 14, 15, I can almost garuntee you wouldn't be the better for the experience. Based on all the guys I know who dated then (and from my memories of the time) I can say you won't have gained any significan insight into girls, how to talk to them, how to keep them around etc.

Don't assume there's anything wrong with you. How many girls have you actually met and talked to? Any outside of your school environment? How long did you try talking to them for before you forgot how to string words together or mumbled an excuse, face burning like the surface of the sun, and fled?
What I'm trying to say is, comparing the number of girls you've talked to to the number of different girls there are out there, the different types of personality, background, intrests etc. you'll see that dispairing at how all the girls you've met haven't liked you enough to date you is pretty dumb because you really won't have met that many girls, comparatively speaking.

Have you tried not staring at A) The floor, B) The girl's tits, C) Anywhere but her face? Because eye contact is super important. Makes a good impression. ;)
I'm not trying to be sarcastic or unkind here, this is all stuff that I remember I had to figure out the hard way, I'm not trying to take the piss.


I think everyone's teenage years are pretty dreadful, just focus on getting through them and then think about getting a girl once you're out the other side. ;)
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Master Gunner » 23 Sep 2010, 09:54

I'm essentially 19 years single, but while I have my depressive moments, for the most part I realize why I'm still single and am just focusing on moving forward and fixing those things.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby 2stepz » 23 Sep 2010, 09:59

You guys seriously depress me sometimes. Complaining about being single at 17/19, etc. Ya'll make me feel like an old maid.

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