The Big Relationship Thread

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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby JustAName » 03 Nov 2012, 23:16

I'd offer a hug and/or bro time hangouts, but, you know, the distance.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Geoff_B » 04 Nov 2012, 05:13

We'll always have Google+ hangouts :D
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Metcarfre » 05 Nov 2012, 09:40

Any time you want to share a Winter Ale...
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby aeric90 » 05 Nov 2012, 09:53

I've been having a lot of FML feelings relating to relationships as well latley. Maybe it's just the time of year or something.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby TheRocket » 05 Nov 2012, 10:04

I've just been having a lot of fml moments in general.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Avistew » 05 Nov 2012, 16:00

My friends are toning it down with the jokes.

On the other hand, I'm changing the place where I used to hang out. The security guard there is really friendly but people have suggested I avoid him.
A few weeks ago he gave me his number, I told him I had a boyfriend and he said he'd like to be just friends. Since then we waved to each other and said hi and were mostly friendly, but not close enough that it would have made sense for me to call him to grab lunch or something.

Well last Friday he asked about my plans for the weekends, I told him, he told me his, I wished him fun and he said "call me sometime". I was a bit confused but asking a few people, they seem to agree he is still hitting on me. He has also said "hi, beautiful" to me between the time I rejected him and the time he asked me to give him a call sometime.

So for now I'm at Starbucks again, and I'm not sure how to deal with the situation. I keep thinking that if he just wants to be friendly, walking to him and saying "hey, I'm not interested in you" is not only rude, but also pretty arrogant. On the other hand, Sean thinks I'm being too friendly and leading him on, even though I'm not sure in what way I am. I'm just hopeless in these situations I guess.

This being said, Sean isn't always the best for advice. He told me the other day that I should just try to seduce the guy I like, and that once he wants me the rest will follow. I'm sure he means well, but I have enough experience with guys to know that getting them horny is relatively easy (provided you're their type of course), getting them to want to act on it is harder, and getting them to love you isn't something there is a recipe for or that is related at all. Hell, some guys will like you LESS the more you turn them on.
I don't think he has a very good opinion of men, to be honest, plus I'm not sure why he's generalizing. Maybe he's trying to be supportive.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby KiteNeravar » 06 Nov 2012, 08:42

Avistew wrote:My friends are toning it down with the jokes.

On the other hand, I'm changing the place where I used to hang out. The security guard there is really friendly but people have suggested I avoid him.
A few weeks ago he gave me his number, I told him I had a boyfriend and he said he'd like to be just friends. Since then we waved to each other and said hi and were mostly friendly, but not close enough that it would have made sense for me to call him to grab lunch or something.

Well last Friday he asked about my plans for the weekends, I told him, he told me his, I wished him fun and he said "call me sometime". I was a bit confused but asking a few people, they seem to agree he is still hitting on me. He has also said "hi, beautiful" to me between the time I rejected him and the time he asked me to give him a call sometime.

So for now I'm at Starbucks again, and I'm not sure how to deal with the situation. I keep thinking that if he just wants to be friendly, walking to him and saying "hey, I'm not interested in you" is not only rude, but also pretty arrogant. On the other hand, Sean thinks I'm being too friendly and leading him on, even though I'm not sure in what way I am. I'm just hopeless in these situations I guess.

This being said, Sean isn't always the best for advice. He told me the other day that I should just try to seduce the guy I like, and that once he wants me the rest will follow. I'm sure he means well, but I have enough experience with guys to know that getting them horny is relatively easy (provided you're their type of course), getting them to want to act on it is harder, and getting them to love you isn't something there is a recipe for or that is related at all. Hell, some guys will like you LESS the more you turn them on.
I don't think he has a very good opinion of men, to be honest, plus I'm not sure why he's generalizing. Maybe he's trying to be supportive.
It doesn't seem like you are leading him on at all, you told him you had a boyfriend right from the start. However if he overheard anything like your boyfriend telling you to seduce another guy that might give him some form of hope. You have a couple of options here (that I an see).
1. Play oblivious, just keep doing what your doing and pretend you don't notice anything (because it's not like your trying to get him to fall for you or anything) and he will either give up, or broach the subject himself where you can then safely tell him you are not interested.
2. Just plain tell him you are not interest, but as you said that is a little presumptuous. You could just be honest and say something like "I'm getting conflicted signals, you say you just want to be friends but then it seems like your hitting on me, if I gave you the wrong impression I'm sorry, but I'm not interested."

Also, the only time people greet someone with "hi beautiful" is if
a. They are in a relationship with the person
b. They have been good friends for years (and are generally the same gender of same gender interest, i.e. two straight men, or a straight woman and a gay man etc.)
c. They are interested in the person and are attempting to hit on them.
d. Other much much less common reasons.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby PlasmaCow » 06 Nov 2012, 17:04

Little update with opening night of the show looming tomorrow.
Holly couldn't make it to watch the rehearsal tonight in the end, but I was kept busy anyway, so would have probably been able to give her very little of my time anyway =/
Katherine is, quite rightly, very absorbed in her role.
And Tasha (along with nearly all the crew) spends most of the show on stage left out of necessity, whereas my stage managers desk is on stage right.
I'm pretty certain from tonights disappointment that Holly is who I'm most interested in, it's just unfortunate that bonding during the show experience (something I've found very effective in the past) isn't an option; and I'm not likely to have a chance to see her again till next week.
In any case I'll probably be busy with the show for the rest of the week, so who knows.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby The Jester » 08 Nov 2012, 11:13

I've been telling myself not to try and find a relationship for a while now, because I know I wanna move to Vancouver and starting one with a time limit doesn't seem fair to either me or my potential partner.

But I've recently started finding that self-advice really difficult to follow. I'm pretty lonely. I want someone to kiss and cuddle. I don't know what to do.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Vanguard » 08 Nov 2012, 11:37

In my experience the best relationships always come along when you're not looking, Jester.

I've been in your shoes, buddy, trust me. Alone, in need of some kind of companion, but when I go looking all I inevitably end up finding is pain and disappointment. Take two of my exes, for example. One broke up with me over Twitter of all places before moving back to Jersey to go back to her abusive ex and the other didn't even tell me that I had been replaced. I had to figure it out on my own. These are both women that I dated when I was actively searching for a relationship. For someone, anyone that I could consider a partner, and equal, a person to confide in.

Clearly that didn't work out.

My current relationship, meanwhile, sneaked up on me. We worked together for a few months with only the occasional comment back and forth until she confided in one of our co-workers that she thought that I had a cute smile. Here we are now, eight months later, still happy and still going on one adventure or another.

If you really feel the need to just have a warm body against you go ahead and take the plunge, but the real thing can't be instigated, forced or simply "found". It creeps up on you, in an unexpected place at an unexpected time, more often than not with someone you wouldn't expect. I personally hate playing the waiting game, and I'm not fond of suggesting it, but waiting for the genuine article to present itself is always worth it in the long run, because that kind of relationshiop lasts.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby The Jester » 08 Nov 2012, 12:04

Yeah, that's how I feel about the best way to find a relationship; just let it happen. And really what I meant was that I could let my feelings of loneliness motivate contacting one or two girls I know at the acquaintance level to ask if they want to hang out and spend some time with me.

Then, if anything seemed like it would happen, I'd let it.

Right now, see, I mostly just keep to myself. I don't go out anywhere, I don't have any friends in the area aside from my cousin and my D&D group - the latter of which all come to play at my place because my brother's a part of that group too and he still lives at home like me, and also we have a lot of space and a bit table - and... really, I have been deliberately keeping my local social group as small as possible in the anticipation of emigrating to study.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Vanguard » 08 Nov 2012, 12:15

I'd say it's worth simply asking if one of these girls would be interested in just hanging out and doing something, but the very moment it looks like your relationship looks like it'll progress past "acquaintance" into something closer you need to be honest with her. Tell her that you'll be leaving soon so she shouldn't get too emotionally invested. Get rid of the "it wouldn't be fair to her aspect by giving her fair warning of what she's getting into.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Metcarfre » 08 Nov 2012, 12:18

Do you have a concrete timetable for moving?
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby The Jester » 08 Nov 2012, 13:07

Not right now. I'm applying to Emily Carr for next September, but I don't know if I'll get in. If I don't, I'll probably apply the following year.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Avistew » 08 Nov 2012, 13:16

Don't let a potential move take away from your socialising. At the very least, try to still have friendships. If one of them turns into more, you'll have the opportunity to decide what to do about it.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Metcarfre » 08 Nov 2012, 13:22

Yeah, I think it's pretty foolish to worry about what might happen in a year's time and shortchange yourself now. "Today has enough problems of its own; let tomorrow worry about itself."
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Lyinginbedmon » 08 Nov 2012, 14:46

Never try to fit romance into any kind of schedule, be it one where you actively make time for it or one where it slots in wherever it wants to. Love cares naught for our mortal timetables.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby KiteNeravar » 08 Nov 2012, 17:30

I wonder if quoting Sheldon Cooper is a good way to woo a girl.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Lyinginbedmon » 08 Nov 2012, 17:38

I think any girl that reacts well to such quotations is significantly worth more of your time than those that don't, at least.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Sieg Reyu » 08 Nov 2012, 18:23

Personally, I find Big Bang Theory to be quite annoying. Community is where my nerdy allegiances lie.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Vanguard » 08 Nov 2012, 18:29

I've gone on record that, in terms of offensiveness, I think Sheldon Cooper is the nerd equivalent of blackface, but apparently none of my friends share that viewpoint. So it's kind of a wash.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Master Gunner » 08 Nov 2012, 18:34

I wouldn't go quite that far, Vanguard, but I certainly find Mr. Cooper to be annoying as fuck.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Vanguard » 08 Nov 2012, 18:37

Now, I never said that my opinion on the subject wasn't, say, a bit extremist, but uh.... hmm...

So yeah, pop culture references. Try 'em. Test the waters for common interests.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Master Gunner » 08 Nov 2012, 18:47

Personally, I think you can never go wrong with Firefly references. If only for the xkcd comic (what can I say, I'm a fan of self-defenestration).
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Duckay » 08 Nov 2012, 19:59

I've seen a few episodes of The Big Bang Theory I like, but they're pretty few. As a rule, I don't like the show, if for no other reason than that Sheldon (and the fact that he seems to be characterized so inconsistently) drives me up the wall.

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