Worst game ever? You tell me.

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RobertMc123
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Re: Worst game ever? You tell me.

Postby RobertMc123 » 26 Apr 2011, 09:28

Hmm, I forgot Postal 2, I should have taken S.O.T.C. off the list and put Postal 2 instead.
I remember seeing that game for the first time and I laughed, yes I found it funny at first, I was thinking : "okay this is some kind of joke, the real game is going to appear in a minute isn't it?"
The fact that there is button to unzip your fly and if you leave it unzipped people freak out.
I remember reading on a really old message board that I used to frequent (back in 2003-2004) there was a bunch of guys creaming their jeans over this game. The main comments went along the lines of "dude, you can totally pour petrol over some lady, set her on fire and then when she dies you can piss on her corpse, it's awesome."
That didn't sound awesome to me, but I decided that if I got the chance I would check out Postal 2 to see what the fuss was about.

Yeah.... shouldn't have bothered really. I invested 4 hours of playtime to this game, constantly thinking "the real game is in here somewhere", instead what you get is a crude, racist, misogynistic game that even the worst sociopath would look at with disdain, there is nothing funny or likeable about it. It's like they took all the worst taste jokes they could think of, thrown in a blender, remove all sense of humour from the said jokes and then toss them in an "open world" 1st person game.
For example, the convenience store is clerked by an indian dude, so of course if you explore upstairs you find suicide bombers and the like.
Oh and to show they are cool, the game makers had a little bit in the game where if you took a hit from a bong your health was restored and boosted, you know for the stoners out there who would think "that's awesome". You know those dickwads that scream out when a comedian or musician makes a reference to drugs at any live event.

Postal 2 is horrendous, the fact that it sold well enough to have an expansion is beyond belief and I only hope that Postal 3 is cancelled.
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Slack Mesa
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Re: Worst game ever? You tell me.

Postby Slack Mesa » 19 May 2011, 02:08

The worst game of all time is Angry Birds

Through the first few generations of video gaming, game designers were content to give players an entertaining distraction from the stresses of everyday life. As the medium matured, though, designers embraced an educational mission: teaching players how to succeed in the world of the future. The first lessons covered the basics, like nutrition (Pac-Man) and tidiness (Katamari Damacy). With the fundamentals thus covered, game creators focused their attention on teaching the most important skill set for the new millennium: how to survive the coming zombie apocalypse.

Through drill and repetition, games taught the essential zombie survival skills, from teamwork to combat to first aid.

Unfortunately, a group of Finnish zombie sympathizers decided to sabotage the industry's educational efforts. They created a game called "Angry Birds" with one goal: to teach defective survival methods.

Best practice: Avoid contact with infected people and animals.
Angry Birds teaching: Find pigs that have turned green, and hurl yourself right at them.

Best practice: Find a group of survivors and stick together.
Angry Birds teaching: Go off to fight the infected one at a time.

Best practice: Keep your shotgun loaded and your chainsaw fueled.
Angry Birds teaching: Just use your own body as a weapon.

Best practice: Aim for the head.
Angry Birds teaching: Aim for a load-bearing wall to bring the whole building crashing down around you.

Best practice: Keep quiet, for the noise attracts zombies.
Angry Birds teaching: Chirp chirp CHIRP chrip!

This game has set back zombie preparedness by at least a decade. When the uprising begins, the infected will find us all to be easy prey. And thus the world will end, not with a bang but with a "chip chirp chirp."
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Re: Worst game ever? You tell me.

Postby Metcarfre » 19 May 2011, 08:29

Slack, you need to start a blog, or perhaps contribute to sirfragsalot.com.

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Re: Worst game ever? You tell me.

Postby Wolfenbarg » 20 May 2011, 13:29

Hour of Victory. I almost dare you to find a more fundamentally broken game that was given wide release. It's so broken that the only way to defeat tanks is to punch them with your fists. RPGs and high impact shells are no use, but if you Mike Tyson those metal bastards? Gone. Also, enemies frequently score headshots by ricocheting bullets. They never make real headshots, but they bounce them off of cars, concrete, and the sky to land a blow right in your cranium.

Limbo of the Lost is a close second. Just look it up if you want the details, I can't even begin to explain how bad it is. However, if you want a taste, here is the ending you trek 20+ hours to get to. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URcvdDtnM_0 Watch the whole thing, and tell me if that song doesn't get stuck in your head.
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Re: Worst game ever? You tell me.

Postby Vigafre » 20 May 2011, 18:37

I think Angry Birds is terrible, regardless of Slack Mesa's level of seriousness.
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Re: Worst game ever? You tell me.

Postby Vanguard » 20 May 2011, 19:00

I don't really have an opinion on Angry Birds itself, but I'm really starting to dislike it's developer, Rovio. The conceited assholes make one mildly entertaining game for the iPhone and suddenly they think they have the clout to throw their weight around and talk smack to other people in the industry like their a AAA studio.

... yeah, I know, barely related to the topic at hand.
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Re: Worst game ever? You tell me.

Postby King Kool » 20 May 2011, 19:09

Vanguard wrote:I don't really have an opinion on Angry Birds itself, but I'm really starting to dislike it's developer, Rovio. The conceited assholes make one mildly entertaining game for the iPhone and suddenly they think they have the clout to throw their weight around and talk smack to other people in the industry like their a AAA studio.

... yeah, I know, barely related to the topic at hand.


It's not like sudden success always goes to someone's head or something...
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Re: Worst game ever? You tell me.

Postby Vigafre » 20 May 2011, 19:12

To be fair, it wasn't their first game, just their first successful one. However, yes, Visterbacka or whatever is pretty conceited.
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Slack Mesa
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Re: Worst game ever? You tell me.

Postby Slack Mesa » 30 Aug 2011, 21:00

The worst game of all time is Team Fortress 2

Valve's development times are among the longest in the industry, but usually the final product is worth the wait. Not Team Fortress 2, though. Despite spending ten years developing the game, Valve rushed to ship it without testing. The result is the buggiest game in recent memory.

I played a round of TF2 as an Engineer to experience the game's legendary AI firsthand. I built a sentry and it sprang to life, whirring and beeping and swiveling back and forth like one of those oscillating fans, but cooler.

"Charge!" I yelled, running toward the enemy base with a wrench in my hand and my trusty sentry at my side. Except it wasn't at my side. Puzzled, I stopped and turned back. There sat the sentry, in the exact same spot where it had spawned. "Go! Go! Go!" I shouted, but the sentry just sat there shaking its head slowly. Apparently its path-finding was completely broken. While I tried in vain to get the sentry to follow me, a large Muscovite walked up behind me and punched me so hard that all my blood exited my body.

When I respawned, I decided to stop fighting the broken AI. If the sentry wasn't going to stay with me, I'd stay with it and play defense. Soon I saw a flickering shape approaching me. It faded in and out of view and then became clear: a teammate, a Pyro, coming to refuel at my dispenser. Come on, Valve, you have to draw all the graphics in every frame, not have friendly players suddenly materialize out of thin air. This isn't rocket science.

Once my teammate reached the dispenser, all my equipment started failing. The sentry sputtered to a halt, and sparks started shooting out of both the sentry and the dispenser. This should have been the simplest part of the game: when a friendly player touches the dispenser, subtract from the dispenser's metal and add the same amount to that player's ammo. It's basic arithmetic. But instead of subtracting, the game apparently divided by zero and broke my dispenser, and it did collateral damage to my sentry. If a developer can't even get the simple stuff right, they really shouldn't try to make an advanced 3-D game.

The friendly Pyro ran behind me, and suddenly I saw a message saying that I was dead. The kill icon said I'd been stabbed. Bear in mind that there's no friendly fire in the game, and Pyros don't have knives anyway. The game couldn't even keep track of who was on what team, or what weapon they were using. Seriously, Valve, that's Game Development 101.

When I spawned again, my sentry and dispenser were gone, and somebody in team chat was calling me a noob, as if it were my fault that the game was so broken. Those Valve fanboys are the worst.
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Re: Worst game ever? You tell me.

Postby Vigafre » 30 Aug 2011, 22:15

These are just getting better.
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Re: Worst game ever? You tell me.

Postby JustAName » 30 Aug 2011, 22:26

Ahahahaha <3
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Re: Worst game ever? You tell me.

Postby Lord Chrusher » 31 Aug 2011, 04:39

Awesome Slack Mesa
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Re: Worst game ever? You tell me.

Postby Slack Mesa » 20 Nov 2011, 18:53

The worst game of all time is Dessert Bus

When a magician makes a video game as a joke, nobody expects it to be good, but few could have imagined just how truly horrible Dessert Bus would be.

The game starts with a first-person view from the driver's seat of a bus. Yes, this is a driving game, but just barely. There's no way to customize your vehicle, and you can't even get upgrades by winning races. There are no races. There are no other cars. There's just you, driving a bus down a straight road.

The developers of Dessert Bus made so many questionable design choices that it's hard for any one mistake to stand out -- but the control scheme manages to rise above this mountain of incompetence to reach new heights of dysfunction. If you were going to make an arcade-style driving game that used a standard console controller, how would you set up the controls? Press up to go forward, back to brake, and left and right to steer? Yeah, that's the way I would do it, too. That's the way any sane person would do it. But in this game, the bus moves forward automatically at a constant speed, there are no brakes, and the road has no turns. The only thing that separates this game from a screen saver is that the bus slowly drifts to the right, so once in a while the player has to press left on the D-pad to keep from driving off the road into a cactus.

Oh, did I not mention the cactus yet? How careless of me! Only two things on the screen actually move: the yellow lines in the middle of the road and the occasional cactus at the side. And even with such a sparse amount of animation, the developers still used blocky, low-resolution graphics. It's as if they traveled in a time machine back to the early 1980s, looked at Pole Position on the Atari 2600, and thought, "Hey, this 8-bit style is pretty cool, but it's too fancy. Let's do a minimalistic 4-bit deconstruction of it!"

Surprisingly, the game does have an objective: if you can endure it for 8 hours, the bus will reach its destination. "Hooray," you might think, "now I get to play the good part!" But...no. Your destination is a summer camp, where the kids have been waiting impatiently for the bus. They pile onto the bus, their monochrome sprites clipping right through the door of the bus because the developers just didn't care. Then the screen fades to black, and a paragraph of blocky text slides slowly into view:

"Dessert Bus has reached Camp Happy Feast. But you have no dessert. You drove too slow. The ice cream is melt. You are fail."

No, Dessert Bus, you are fail.
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Re: Worst game ever? You tell me.

Postby empath » 21 Nov 2011, 06:33

...you know? This one isn't quite as funny...maybe because Slack's 'exaggerations' are NOT - this one is just about as true-to-life as you can get. :?

Don't get me wrong, it's still good. But the humour comes from a different source; not "Oh wow, you really EPICALLY misunderstood that!" but more "Oh WOW; that's so true!"

It's like having an array of tasty, ripe fruit, then suddenly finding a plate of perfectly-cooked bacon sitting amongst the selections; still great, just really unexpected. :)
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Re: Worst game ever? You tell me.

Postby Geoff_B » 21 Nov 2011, 14:33

Any hidden object game is a contender for the worst game ever. In fact the entire hidden object genre is the worst game ever.

There's no thought required to make one. You just get a number of backgrounds and stick a few dozen objects for the player to click on, slap a timer on it, repeat about 20 times and you're done! I was in a supermarket and I saw "Shutter Island: The Adventure Game" and I thought "Great! I liked Shutter Island!" so I picked it up. "Hidden Object". Put it back, back away slowly and run the heck out.
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Re: Worst game ever? You tell me.

Postby Slack Mesa » 23 Mar 2013, 19:01

The worst game of all time is Starcraft 2

After the huge success of the original Starcraft, Blizzard rushed a sequel to market. Arriving just ten weeks after its predecessor, Starcraft 2 was a phenomenal disappointment.

The developers of Starcraft 2 seem to have forgotten what made the original so much fun: the stars. Starcraft let us play as A-list stars like Brad Pitt and Gwyneth Paltrow. In Starcraft 2, the only playable character is Ted McGinley, unless you pay extra to unlock the on-disc DLC character, Jaleel White.

The biggest disappointment in Starcraft 2, though, is the gameplay. Remember that level in the original game where you had to make a plush coelocanth and use it to infiltrate the villain's lair? Or the part where you had to turn an old denim jacket and a pile of scrap metal into a bulletproof vest with optional three-quarter length sleeves? There's nothing even close to that creative in Starcraft 2. In the first level, you glue dry macaroni to posterboard to make an image of a duck. And that's the highlight of the crafting in the game. It only gets worse from there. To win the final boss battle, you have to affix googly eyes a pine cone. Clearly the game designer had run out of ideas.

With weak stars and even weaker crafts, this is a game to skip. Just replay the original and try to forget that they ever made a sequel.
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Re: Worst game ever? You tell me.

Postby empath » 23 Mar 2013, 19:36

...he's baaaaack. :mrgreen:
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Re: Worst game ever? You tell me.

Postby Ptangmatik » 24 Mar 2013, 02:37

Wow, those are some freaking awesome reviews Slack.

oh, also: welcome back
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Re: Worst game ever? You tell me.

Postby Dutch guy » 24 Mar 2013, 06:31

Yay, Slack's back!


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Re: Worst game ever? You tell me.

Postby Ptangmatik » 24 Mar 2013, 16:16

I just have one issue with this thread, it's all been so wrong.

(I don't mean to bogart your style, it just seemed fun. Once I got thinking about it, I couldn't stop)

The worst game of all time is Bioshock

Ok, this game starts off in the water and for some reason, you can't swim anywhere. I LIKE swimming. What's wrong with you game? I want to go for a paddle, how am I so scared of the fire?, ok, so move on and all of a sudden the game sticks you in a pod and tells you to stand still. Some idiot waffles into your ear while you get a lovely render of a switch to stare at. Great.

Ok, moving on, some clearly badly made model of a supposed citizen jumps around and gets shot with by a turret. People just DON'T look like this, neither do they move so unnaturally. Frankly, I can't believe they got it so wrong, given how long this game took to make. Then I find a dirty hypodermic needle on the mouldy floor and some guy who hasn't even shown up yet (!) asks nicely, so I just go ahead and jam it in my arm. Great message for the kids, right there.

This seems to be a disappointing theme that continues throughout this game. Hey kids! hacking's JUST like pipe dream! Hacker recruitment shouldn't be allowed in mainstream media, it's not right. Then you're supposed to get your guns and 'upgrade' them on a workbench! Have you ever taken a chisel to a shotgun? I wouldn't recommend trying to fire the result afterwards.

Now we come to the pathetically named 'Mr. Bubbles'. What kind of name for that is that for a hard working, highly skilled deep sea diver? None of the supposedly 'regular' inhabitants of the frankly poorly maintained city seemed willing to talk to me about them, the dialogue options for the divers seemed to consist of guttural moans (Get it TOGETHER audio team! Honestly) and the little girls (though frankly, their character model looked positively inhuman) gave no insights

It pains me to say this, but I can't hold out much hope for the new one they've got coming out soon
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Re: Worst game ever? You tell me.

Postby dai_panda » 25 Mar 2013, 03:34

Worst games I've played last, say, 3 months:
Turning Point: Fall of Liberty.
It's amazing something this inept in every sense of the word made it to release on current-gen consoles. Released a year after Bioshock and CoD4 Modern Warfare, and I have it on ps3, and yet somehow managing to look worse than Return To Castle Wolfenstein. Graphics aren't everything ofcourse, but when it also plays and sounds somewhere between "Terrible" and "Terribly Mediocre", and suffers some truly bland and boring level-design, not to mention wasting a cool alt-history story hook... I have no sympathy at all.

Crusaders of Might & Magic on PC:
I'm sure the playstation 1 original is a better game. It has to be. This is mostly a terrible port rather than a bad game in itself. Controls are all over the keyboard for one, and the game tends to freeze when you change them. Try this: steer with the arrow-keys, attack with the mouse, jump with spacebar, interact with tab. And the item-use and inventory and so on are all over the keyboard. Some might be near the arrow-keys, some might be near spacebar and some, well..

Not to mention the fact that the character grunts whenever he tries to do anyrhing. At all. Pull a lever: "UGHN!". Jump: "UGHN!". Attack: "UGHN!"... All I can think of is, if you're in such terrible shape that you need to grunt like you got kicked in the balls whenever you do anything, maybe you're not fit to be an adventurer.
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Re: Worst game ever? You tell me.

Postby Geoff_B » 25 Mar 2013, 05:14

Resonance

Yes, you heard me right, Resonance

There's something about it that I don't like. Maybe it's the fact that I had to reach for a guide very early on because I had absolutely no clue what to do (I mean, click on a car mirror for no apparent reason whatsoever?) or maybe I was put off by the timed do-this-exactly-right-or-you-die sequences (kid terrified by monster busting through her door but gives you no hint where to hide). And lets not talk about trying to get the key to the store cupboard at the lab.

Sorry, but that's how it is for me.
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Re: Worst game ever? You tell me.

Postby Drinnik » 25 Mar 2013, 15:09

RobertMc123 wrote:And now Game Number 2: Shadow of The Collosus(sp?) *snip*


Go play Spec Ops: The Line. Makes you feel 10 times worse.
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Re: Worst game ever? You tell me.

Postby Slack Mesa » 12 Apr 2013, 18:47

The worst game of all time is Street Fighter II

I remember hearing about Street Fighter II in school. Unbelievably good graphics. Fast-paced action. And secret combo moves. That afternoon I persuaded my big brother Jimmy to take me to the arcade. We had to wait in line for half an hour, but finally we got to play it.

We each put in our quarter and chose a character. I picked the Incredible Hulk. He picked a skinny Ghandi guy. Now who would win in a fight between those two? Duh. Hulk. But my brother then proceeded to beat me in ten seconds. I only had two quarters, but I challenged him to a rematch. I stuck with the Hulk, but he switched to an anime girl. I laughed right in his stupid face, but then the match started and he beat me again. And then he gave me a wedgie.

That night I began planning my revenge. Every day for the next two years, I went to the arcade and spent my lunch money playing Street Fighter II against random kids. I lost a lot a first, but with practice I got better. My friend Bobby found a strategy guide on AOL, and I spent hours reading and memorizing the printout. Eventually I became the best player in my grade. I was undefeated for three weeks straight.

I walked into my brother's room and casually said, "I'm going to the arcade. Want to play a little Street Fighter?" He took the bait. When we got there, we each put a quarter in the machine. He picked E. Honda. I reflected for a moment and picked Chun-Li. We were a lot alike, Chun-Li and I. She was fighting to avenge her father, and I was fighting to avenge my honor. The match started, and I deftly avoided my brother's attacks. Then I countered with a vicious combo. My brother didn't say anything, but I could see a bead of sweat running down his face. He mashed the controls, trying desperately to take me down, but his moves were no match for my training. With a perfectly timed kick, I knocked down his character and won the match.

I looked up at my brother and smiled mischievously. "How do you like me now," I asked. Then he gave me another wedgie, and all the kids in the arcade started laughing at me. Damn, that game sucked.

Because the 2-player mode was so lame, I started playing exclusively single-player. By the end of the summer, I finally made it to the fabled final boss. M. Bison? More like M. Human! This wasn't a bison, it was a guy. If the game developers had done their job properly, the boss battle would have been winnable. Just sneak up on the bison and tip him over, like you'd do to a cow or a mime. But because the boss was a dude and not a bison, he pummeled me into the titular street. I guess none of the playtesters got this far in the game, so they just released it with a game-breaking bug.

I want my quarters back.
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Re: Worst game ever? You tell me.

Postby empath » 12 Apr 2013, 18:49

Good to have YOU back, at least. :)
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