The depressing depression thread

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CiderMuffin
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby CiderMuffin » 10 Sep 2014, 00:08

So...we can just discuss stuff that makes us depressed or reasons why we're depressed here? Sorry for asking but I kinda want to make sure before posting anything.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Lord Chrusher » 10 Sep 2014, 00:31

As long as it is somewhat depression related and you are not being a dick, post away.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby CiderMuffin » 10 Sep 2014, 00:37

Well lately I've been feeling like there really is no point in getting out of bed, like everything just seems pointless, you know?

My chances at getting a job seem highly impossible as the town I'm in is just getting worse in terms of economy (Several houses in my neighborhood have been sold and bought multiple times in the past few years) and no matter how hard I try none of my applications get answered. Like, the only places I have a chance at getting hired is probably a part time job at McDonalds or Chic-fil-a which doesn't say much because they freaking hire EVERYONE who applies just so they can say "Look, we hire people! Look at all the people we hire!"

There are more reasons as to why I feel like everything has been feeling pointless but that is just the main reason and I really don't feel comfortable spilling out all my problems (Don't want to seem like I want to hog attention, even now I'm nervous as hell typing this and it's making me feel queasy)
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby AdmiralMemo » 10 Sep 2014, 07:02

Might as well get a job at one of them just so there aren't large gaps in your resume, if there aren't already, but otherwise, job searching sucks everywhere. We know your feels and we're here for you. :)
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby My pseudonym is Ix » 10 Sep 2014, 10:06

CiderMuffin wrote:There are more reasons as to why I feel like everything has been feeling pointless but that is just the main reason and I really don't feel comfortable spilling out all my problems (Don't want to seem like I want to hog attention, even now I'm nervous as hell typing this and it's making me feel queasy)


Dude, feel free. There's no post limit here, and no practical character limit either. Say what you want to say, and we will be here to listen. Explain how you feel and we will be here to comfort you. Describe what you want and we will offer advice. That's why I love this place.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby CiderMuffin » 10 Sep 2014, 14:58

My pseudonym is Ix wrote:
CiderMuffin wrote:There are more reasons as to why I feel like everything has been feeling pointless but that is just the main reason and I really don't feel comfortable spilling out all my problems (Don't want to seem like I want to hog attention, even now I'm nervous as hell typing this and it's making me feel queasy)


Dude, feel free. There's no post limit here, and no practical character limit either. Say what you want to say, and we will be here to listen. Explain how you feel and we will be here to comfort you. Describe what you want and we will offer advice. That's why I love this place.



Well...I'm stuck being a gender I don't feel is right for me, when periods of loneliness hit they hit hard, I feel like I'm a huge annoyance sometimes which stops me from socializing with people.

There is probably more that's wrong but like I've stated before talking about my problems make me nervous and queasy so I can't think straight.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Deedles » 10 Sep 2014, 15:20

It can be really hard to get the words out when you feel bad. Your head just feels like a mess, and so does your emotions, so don't worry about it, just know that we're here for you, okay?

If you ever feel lonely and want someone to talk to you're free to add me on Skype(if you use it, either way you can always PM me here). My username is Nintarie. :)
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby cuddlyblade » 11 Sep 2014, 13:44

Heh life is funny. Spent half my life helping to fix peoples lives and keep them running when I can't even manage my own. There must be some kind of irony in there somewhere.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby My pseudonym is Ix » 11 Sep 2014, 14:11

That's actually incredibly common amongst depressives; one of the few reliable ways to cheer one up is to get them helping someone else. One of the most masterfully included scenes in Depression Quest ran along that theme.

And CiderMuffin... dude, I know the feeling. Not so much the gender part, but definitely the feeling of wanting to hide away and not be noticed so you don't get in anyone's way. Another common theme of depression; the idea that, deep down, nobody really loves you. So far as I can tell, there's no cure except to keep telling yourself what you rationally know; that that is not true and you are worth something. And when that fails, find someone to tell it to you; following from Deedles' example, my Skype name is Gniffish78. If I'm ever online, I'm good to talk.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Mums » 11 Sep 2014, 14:54

Last monday I got my act together and called a psychologist, got an appointment the day after, will see her again next tuesday.

It's weird, need to be feeling good to be able to seek out help, when you're feeling good it's hard to describe how you are feeling when you're feeling bad, like you forget anything was ever bad...
Sit down. Get ready. Sit down again!

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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Hiramas » 11 Sep 2014, 15:18

@Mums, I hope it helps ;)

I study history at the moment.
But I can't work.
When I try to work, read books, it just gets empty in my head, I get headaches.
I fear that I don't have time for anything else.
But the result is, I am sitting there, in front of my computer, aimlessly browsing. Not even wasting time with games or videos or TV. (Things I also love and would not consider wasted time, really) Just sitting there, unable to do anything really... Reading stuff and forgetting it the same second.
Just being sad in the end...

But this is what I really want to do, History is my passion. I WANT do do it because I KNOW it IS the right thing to do. I can be great at it. I know it. And I have proven it in past works.
So why can't I work anymore?
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Volafortis » 11 Sep 2014, 16:32

CiderMuffin wrote:Well...I'm stuck being a gender I don't feel is right for me, when periods of loneliness hit they hit hard, I feel like I'm a huge annoyance sometimes which stops me from socializing with people.

There is probably more that's wrong but like I've stated before talking about my problems make me nervous and queasy so I can't think straight.

I've just in the past few months committed to begin transitioning, coming out to my family and friends as trans, etc.., and I understand entirely the disconnected sense of disinterest in one's own self and inability to relate to others due to being unable to relate to who you perceive as yourself.

If you ever want to talk about anything, please don't be afraid to speak up. I know all too well exactly how completely shitty that feeling is, and trust me; often enough, I'll just need someone to talk to as well.
Last edited by Volafortis on 11 Sep 2014, 20:50, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby JustAName » 11 Sep 2014, 20:27

Mums, I just wanted to say that I'm very proud of you, and I hope it goes amazingly.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Dutch guy » 12 Sep 2014, 00:14

Mums wrote:Last monday I got my act together and called a psychologist, got an appointment the day after, will see her again next tuesday.

It's weird, need to be feeling good to be able to seek out help, when you're feeling good it's hard to describe how you are feeling when you're feeling bad, like you forget anything was ever bad...


That is great! Just stick with it. The feelings will come out eventually. You have posted in this thread before when you were down right? You could print out those posts and bring them with you, they might give more insight into your state of mind when you are down if you are not able to provide it yourself.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Mr Flibble » 12 Sep 2014, 18:14

Hi everyone, my first post on the forums but I've been a fan or LRR for a little bit now (maybe not the most promising first post but the hell with it!).

Soooo, thought I'd share my current goings on, not really sure to what end but seems like a thing to do, to see peoples perspective on things perhaps?
This could be a big long one apologies in advance, ignore as appropriate.

Recently I moved from the small town I grew up in to the big city (London) to begin my PhD. Despite not being the most outgoing person I'm lucky to have a surprisingly large group of very close friends and am also quite close to my family, the idea of moving away from everyone was pretty terrifying. That is it would have been if not for my girlfriend (B). We'd been together 7 years at that time and the idea of moving down together was actually pretty exciting.

On arriving in London we quickly found out that LOTS of things can go wrong, not least of which was finding somewhere affordable to live that didn't come with complimentary knife crime. Despite this things didn't seem so bad though, as long as we where together we where happy, sort of like an us vs the world mentality I guess. Eventually we found a place we could afford with flatmates we really liked in a great area etc., things where good, B even managed to secure a pretty well paid job in games development.

Good times didn't last very long. I'd expected my workload to go up with a PhD but it seems I didn't anticipate just how much (think regular 12h days including weekends), at the same time B lost her job thanks to cutbacks. B took whatever work she could but It didn't take long for us to really feel the strain financially. Up to this point I was able to a keep a fairly positive outlook on things, It took all my income to see us clear of debt but we just about made it, after all we've been through much worse right? Then everything changed.

One day I was waiting on a really important call but my phone wasn't working so I had to borrow B's phone for the day. Honestly I didn't actually expect to see anything interesting, I guess curiosity got the better of me. Without going into the full details (that I really wish I hadn't seen) it turns out B had been, for want of a better term, sexting some guy (friend of a friend we met at a party). It took some time and a lot of reconciling but B convinced me that nothing more had happened and it was just a product of all the stress we where going through. I believed her and we begun trying to work past it.

I'm not proud of this but for the next month or so I kept a close eye on B, until eventually I was in a position to look at her phone again (she had added a password but didn't know I knew it). All I can say is it was wrong of me, regardless of anything else I should have made a decision to trust her or not and stuck to it, that aside I looked at her phone. It turns out I was wrong, wrong for trusting her that is. She had slept with the guy it turns out, in fact not only had this started a while ago (before she got her job in game development) but it was still going on.

Right now I don't know what to believe, I feel utterly betrayed, completely alone and to be honest pretty depressed. At this point B and me had been together for about 8 years (since 16) and my entire life is built around her and us. People refer to us as B&C rather than individuals, I'm not even sure what just me is actually like, all of my interests are intertwined with hers and vice versa. B has moved out and is now living with the other guy, while still telling me that she wants to do whatever it takes to make things work between us. The worst part is I want to believe her so badly that I play along as if everything is ok between us. All the while my PhD has become so demanding I have effectively no life outside of work (not sure if that is a bad thing at this point), and I'm still under a huge amount of financial stress and as such about to (try to) move house.

Anyway that's me right now, sorry for the essay. All I can say is THANK GOD for LRR! Its surprising how effective the small things can be, Keep it up guys!!
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby cuddlyblade » 12 Sep 2014, 19:14

I think there's something wrong with me. Not been sleeping well at all and I feel really off and weird, dunno how to really put it doesn't feel like anything I've really felt before.Doesn't feel like the usual sadness but it certainly feels not right.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby viscomica » 12 Sep 2014, 19:27

So sad right now, so sad.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby BlueChloroplast » 12 Sep 2014, 20:56

I feel I have no useful advice to give so I will send internet hugs. And start singing "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life."
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Mums » 13 Sep 2014, 03:41

Dutch guy wrote:
Mums wrote:Last monday I got my act together and called a psychologist, got an appointment the day after, will see her again next tuesday.

It's weird, need to be feeling good to be able to seek out help, when you're feeling good it's hard to describe how you are feeling when you're feeling bad, like you forget anything was ever bad...


That is great! Just stick with it. The feelings will come out eventually. You have posted in this thread before when you were down right? You could print out those posts and bring them with you, they might give more insight into your state of mind when you are down if you are not able to provide it yourself.


Actually I went through my post from earlier this summer where I had decided to seek help, to try to remember my mindset. Felt like studying for an exam...

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That sucks. I'm so sorry for you.
I will offer a story of my own which I was reminded of when I read your post, though mine was not quite as drastic. And offer my thoughts from my own experience, I know that it rarely helps a lot but maybe it could offer some light in the dark, and I know that words like "it will be better" are worse than worthless, they hurt more. This will be a long post as well, sorry.

I got together with the girl I thought I'd live with forever about 4 and a half years ago, I was 20, she was 19, we had known eachother for about 5 years prior. I moved in with her and started law school, she was unemployed, looked for work or something to studdy but couldn't find much, we had quite a hard time financially though we got the rent paid for by her mother so we managed quite alright. About 2 years after we got together we started having some real trouble together, I was bussy with school andshe still hadn't gotten a job or anything and didn't really have many friends to see, whichment she spent all days at home waiting for me to get back from school and I was too exhausted to find the energy to do things with her when I was free (in hindsight I suffered from my depression back then as well and couldn't find energy for much). Everything kept spiraling downwards until she broke up with me and started seeing a distant friend of ours.

She was the girl I had planned my whole future with, everything I had done for those years had been with the intent of living with her. I didn't see any point of my education anymore because everything I wanted out of a good job was to give us a good life, I didn't care about myself except for as an extension of her. Queue one of the worst years of my life afterwards, seeing no point with anything and only trudging on just because.

What I found now, two years after we broke up is that for me it was the best thing that could have happened, I've never grown as much as a person since then, I've done so much more things than I would have if we had stayed together. I've realised that I was too young at 20 to be in a relationship such as that, I needed to be by myself for a while, to realise I can't build my world around another person, to realise I am a whole on my own and do not need someone else to define me as a person.

I can't know what you feel but that's my story at least, don't mind people saying it will get better, because intellectually you know that as well, you just have to let your emotions catch up with that knowledge and that will take time and things will feel like shit for a good while.

Take care!
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby viscomica » 13 Sep 2014, 10:16

BlueChloroplast wrote:I feel I have no useful advice to give so I will send internet hugs. And start singing "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life."


Sometimes there isn't a bright side.
Whenever I try to look at the bright side something happens to fuck that too (kick me when I'm down)
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby AdmiralMemo » 15 Sep 2014, 12:20

Why is everything I do wrong?

I hate myself... I hate other people... Why can't I just be happy and normal?
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby My pseudonym is Ix » 15 Sep 2014, 13:32

AdmiralMemo wrote:Why is everything I do wrong?

I hate myself... I hate other people... Why can't I just be happy and normal?

Dude, talk to me (yeah I know I'm not on Skype at the moment, away from my proper computer). What's up?
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby AdmiralMemo » 15 Sep 2014, 13:45

I'm burnt out... I have so many responsibilities, and I'm failing at all of them, other than a couple of them.

My brain keeps going to dark places, and people hate me, and I am just feeling really bad. I have headaches all the time, and am just low. I need someone to talk to... To discuss things with... Audibly... Preferably physically, but I guess Skype could suffice...
Graham wrote:The point is: Nyeh nyeh nyeh. I'm an old man.
LRRcast wrote:Paul: That does not answer that question at all.
James: Who cares about that question? That's a good answer.

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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby My pseudonym is Ix » 15 Sep 2014, 13:56

Blame my family, but I can't get onto Skype until tomorrow morning. I'll get online as soon as I can tomorrow- whenever you wake up, feel free to give me a buzz. Sorry I can't do anything tonight man, just try and hang on for me. Ok?
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby AdmiralMemo » 15 Sep 2014, 14:03

I'll try... I've done it before...

I get up and go to work at 10 AM EST, and I don't know when you're available. It took me translating that string again to realize you're in the UK. So that's what... 6 hours later than me?

And I think I've figured out what's been bothering me, at least in part: I hate time. Time is frustrating, and there's not enough of it, and people are always rushing me, and it just keeps going even if I were to take a break for myself, so then I have to catch up on what I missed, and that takes time, too, etc. etc.
Graham wrote:The point is: Nyeh nyeh nyeh. I'm an old man.
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James: Who cares about that question? That's a good answer.

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