The depressing depression thread

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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Merrymaker_Mortalis » 26 Mar 2016, 03:54

Dutch guy wrote:
AdmiralMemo wrote:So apparently I'm stupid and what I love is stupid and I'm a stupid person for loving it. :-(


And you were told that by a stupid person with a stupid opinion who is stupid for having an opinion on what people should think is stupid. Don't let em get to you Memo. If you love it, it's not stupid.


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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Deedles » 26 Mar 2016, 04:59

AdmiralMemo wrote:So apparently I'm stupid and what I love is stupid and I'm a stupid person for loving it. :-(


Fuck that guy/gal/it. Dutch Guy hit the nail on the head; If anyone is stupid in this equation in that's person for being judgmental, overly opinionated, and not having consideration for the fact that different people love different things, and that enriches the world so it should be appreciated, not insulted.

I've been on this forum for years, and what I have seen of you, Memo, in that time tells me that you are anything but stupid. You seem, to me, to be a deep thinker, helpful, and friendly.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby AdmiralMemo » 26 Mar 2016, 05:24

... I wonder if you'd be saying the same thing if you knew who I was talking about.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Deedles » 26 Mar 2016, 06:03

To be fair your assessment of the situation is vague, but I do think it's judgmental to tell someone that something they enjoy is stupid.

Only exception I could think of would be if what they enjoy is actively harmful to someone else.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Tinasaur » 26 Mar 2016, 13:33

Thanks for your support everyone.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Danielle Pepin » 27 Mar 2016, 23:03

Dutch guy wrote:
AdmiralMemo wrote:So apparently I'm stupid and what I love is stupid and I'm a stupid person for loving it. :-(


And you were told that by a stupid person with a stupid opinion who is stupid for having an opinion on what people should think is stupid. Don't let em get to you Memo. If you love it, it's not stupid.


AdmiralMemo, if you were the person that told you you're stupid then Dutch guy has made an error (meaning well of course) because people with depression aren't stupid for having said that to themselves. The brain can't see outside of itself to when it's that dark to look at itself objectively. If it was someone else that said it, they need to go back to Kindergarten and learn how to be nice to people all over again. Also if it was anyone in a chat controlled by mods please tell one of them and/or add their ip (copy [email protected]______ in WHOIS) to your ignore list in your chat client (may need to by username but ip usually works best), that's what I do when someone is constantly implying they think they're better than everyone else.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Danielle Pepin » 27 Mar 2016, 23:28

Tinasaur wrote:
Master Gunner wrote:The world would truly be a sadder place without you. Is there anything you want to talk about?


Thank you for your kind words. I was encouraged to talk yesterday so I'm feeling brave enough to share a bit. I've been having bouts of serious thoughts of suicide and if I'd had a surefire way I might've just done it with the way I've felt the past week. I'm running out of options on what to do. No medications or support from the hospital is working and I just don't have any hope for the future. The equation of life boils down to that my suffering will be too much and staying alive won't be worth it.
At this point though I've calmed down a bit and since it's easter I have plenty of opportunity to hang out with friends so I'm occupied and not alone.


Have they tried to give you the SDRI instead of only having you try SSRIs? Someone informed me that there's a dopamine inhibitor which has been found to work where serotonin inhibitors have failed to make someone feel better adequately...and that doctors only prescribe that when all the SSRIs have failed....In any case you should let a doctor know that any meds you've been on haven't been working to keep you from not wanting to live because they can't help you if they don't know how much hasn't been working.

Dutch guy, I just went back and remembered to watch that not depressing video which I had forgotten to click on. I clicked subscribe too! Thanks for posting.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby MetricFurlong » 28 Mar 2016, 05:07

Danielle Pepin wrote:
AdmiralMemo, if you were the person that told you you're stupid then Dutch guy has made an error (meaning well of course) because people with depression aren't stupid for having said that to themselves.


Given the timing of Memo's first comment I would say it's likely the person he isn't naming is Alex Steacy. If someone felt curious they could probably go and look through the VoD of the last STALKER stream to see if I can find what the exact incident may have been.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby AdmiralMemo » 28 Mar 2016, 12:00

MetricFurlong wrote:
Danielle Pepin wrote:AdmiralMemo, if you were the person that told you you're stupid then Dutch guy has made an error (meaning well of course) because people with depression aren't stupid for having said that to themselves.
Given the timing of Memo's first comment I would say it's likely the person he isn't naming is Alex Steacy. If someone felt curious they could probably go and look through the VoD of the last STALKER stream to see if I can find what the exact incident may have been.
No, just to make it clear, it wasn't Alex, and it wasn't something you could publicly find.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Danielle Pepin » 28 Mar 2016, 13:20

AdmiralMemo wrote:
MetricFurlong wrote:
Danielle Pepin wrote:AdmiralMemo, if you were the person that told you you're stupid then Dutch guy has made an error (meaning well of course) because people with depression aren't stupid for having said that to themselves.
Given the timing of Memo's first comment I would say it's likely the person he isn't naming is Alex Steacy. If someone felt curious they could probably go and look through the VoD of the last STALKER stream to see if I can find what the exact incident may have been.
No, just to make it clear, it wasn't Alex, and it wasn't something you could publicly find.


Makes me curious what Alex did say. I remember him talking about Superman vs Batman and not liking the trailers and he may have gone a bit overboard...usually he fights for not being a dick about the things you like or don't like.

Hope it's not one of those family situations where the person is very difficult to change or avoid them, AdmiralMemo.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Danielle Pepin » 28 Mar 2016, 17:03

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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Lord Chrusher » 29 Mar 2016, 12:59

I am burning out.

Hopefully I can remain productive until Saturday evening. I can slack off completely next week.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Merrymaker_Mortalis » 29 Mar 2016, 13:38

In my Bible study, the talk of how my good friend did a surprise visit, and learning two of my friends have gone to Barcelona for 5 days fanned the flames of missing my friend, my brother again.

I am going to have these feelings for life aren't I?
And if I move so that I am close to him, I am going to feel like this for someone back at home too?

Ergggh. Having a loving heart is hard.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Jenelmo » 30 Mar 2016, 13:31

I have a friend from school, who is in a project with a guy who doesn't do his part. it is bad enough that after 1½ month they have had to to have multiple meeting with a school counselor, but even after that nothing has happened, and I can see how much it is affecting her, but i am wondering if it is okay, as an outsider to go to the counselor to ask if there isn't something there can be done or am i overstepping my bounds?
In the end i am just worried for my friend
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Danielle Pepin » 30 Mar 2016, 19:18

Jenelmo, if the teacher knows the situation they'll probably grade them each of them accordingly...sounds like they may already know in this case but could tell her that so she and the teacher can talk and help her feel less overwhelmed or at least less taken advantage of. Hope it's a case of someone being irresponsible rather than a case of them having more expectations than they'd be able to focus on realistically given their current mental state...which would complicate the solution from discipline to understanding and etc...
Going to the counselor directly when those situations are usually supposed to be confidential may seem crossing a line with your friend so approaching with caution is wise. Best to ask her if she wants to talk more about it herself and offer ideas she can then consult with them again if need be.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Merrymaker_Mortalis » 31 Mar 2016, 12:56

I'll rant here about why I may be feeling like I am feeling.

Last year, at this time, my very dear good friend came to visit for a week.
I have been remembering this and feeling mixed feelings of "yay good time" and "aww, he's not here".

I am going to a wedding for my uncle tomorrow. The last time my dear good friend was in the UK was for the wedding of two of our mutual friends.

I am going to a wedding tomorrow. It is a long car journey in the back of a car, driven by my parents. I am going to spend the weekend in their company.

It is my birthday today and all the above is going on in my mind. With the addition of feeling like I should do "what I want to do, because it's my birthday". But what I want to do, is physically not possible at all. And I don't know what to do because I have to wake up the next day early to do a journey I wish I did not have to do. So, I lie in my bed, overwhelmed. Praying and weeping. It has technically been a good day. Friends have shown love. My family sent love. Went to the local sea life aquarium for native marine species. On paper a good day. On paper, I have a good life.

My parents asked if there was anyone I wanted to invite anyone to the evening birthday meal. There is no one who can come, who I want to come. I love my friends here, but not in this way. The one person who I would legitly invite is not in this country. So I think of him again.

He has not sent a message of acknowledgement of my birthday. This does not upset me. I do not need him to do that. But, it reminds me of perhaps the reason why when I do miss him, I miss him badly. Even though with all the technology that's available now, we can potentially communicate instantly. That is good and a blessing. Sadly, this technology has no effect on one thing, how busy he is. He is so busy, that we have no real opportunity to communicate between real life visits. When communication was active, it was for planning. It was not human to human. It just really, really sucks. I have friends here, and it's pleasant. But I keep being reminded of how lonely I still feel here. And how much fondness I hold for my friend.

Back on birthday. Because of the way I feel, I feel like I should be happy, so my family can feel like they're doing a good job of loving me.

TL;DR I miss my friend. Combination of elements (due to the law of buses) means that this passive missing of my friend has flared up and brings to light personal difficulties I have in my comfortable western world white working class life.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Avistew » 31 Mar 2016, 23:38

Happy Birthday!

I went to see my doctor today and got my prescription doubled. I'm hopeful about it.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Deedles » 02 Apr 2016, 14:25

I wrote the beginning of this a long time ago, and believe I posted it in the Share Your Art thread, but later on I sat down and finished it, trying to put feelings, sensations and mindsets into words. I posted it on my tumblr, because I felt like getting it out there, but didn't want to put myself out there, so since I barely had any followers on there I knew it would go fairly unnoticed.

Now though I feel a bit more prepared to share it with a larger crowd. It might just seem like incoherent ramblings, or a really bad attempt at poetry, but... that felt like the best way to get the words out.
Click to Expand
I'm here, alone, staring at the words I'm writing as I try to understand my own feelings. I feel so empty inside and despite my best efforts I cannot seem to fill that void. Lonely, I feel like I'm constantly standing on the sideline, gazing forward at everyone else, the collective, them.

I leer at them as I fall deeper and deeper into the hole within myself, spiralling into a sense of isolation so strong there is a constant threat of tears breaking through my facade. Am I being dramatic? No doubt. Are these feelings real to me? No doubt. And though I feel them so clearly I am left at a loss as to what to do, looking up towards the exit to this hole I'm in as I try to find the answer, but I'm stumbling over my own feet as I trip through the darkness I'm in. I cannot find an answer, even though I know the feeling I crave. I wish to be a part of something. A part of everyone else. The collective. Them.

But how do I know if I am? Maybe I already am? My mind swirls and drowns in the questions, ponderings and wonderings of my own curiousity and uncertainty; What does it feel like? Could you ever describe it? Am I capable of feeling it?

I'm here, alone, staring at the words I'm writing as I try to understand my own feelings. As I try to understand everyone else. The collective. Them. But I feel as if I might as well be from a different planet, as if my mind works on a different frequency, and I speak in a different language, attempting to monkey the words and phrases of others, hoping that I'm understood, and hiding when I think I'm not. So I hide, in my home, in my clothes, in my chair, behind the frozen expression that keeps my sadness inside, like the calm ocean surface above the violents currents below.

And all the while I long to be part of something, to finally grow up, break out of my cacoon and move freely in the world. But as I look in the mirror and see a figure in make-up, flowing hair and nice clothes I am terrified, as if I'm moving too quickly, as if I'm gonna be caught and condemned for my treacherous attempts to be an ordinary person. "You're not an ordinary person" my head tells me. "You're still that awkward toad of a child that you've always been, and always will be." The chubby child who got angry at the smallest of things, who was clumsy, slow-minded, jejune and who seemed to want everything, but in reality wanted just one; to be loved for who she was...

"You don't deserve to be loved, you don't deserve to be liked, and anyone who sees you knows that you are a blundering mess. They know that you don't belong with them, that you are simply something wrong with the world. A mistake of mother nature, a glitch in the code, a piece without a puzzle. And if anyone treats you kindly? It's because your trickery has fooled them, but sooner or later they'll realize what you are. You're not even good enough to be a freak, you're simply something that shouldn't of been."

I'm here...
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Danielle Pepin » 02 Apr 2016, 22:47

Merrymaker_Mortalis wrote:I'll rant here about why I may be feeling like I am feeling...


Happy Birthday!

Deedles wrote:I wrote the beginning of this a long time ago, and believe I posted it in the Share Your Art thread, but later on I sat down and finished it, trying to put feelings, sensations and mindsets into words. I posted it on my tumblr, because I felt like getting it out there, but didn't want to put myself out there, so since I barely had any followers on there I knew it would go fairly unnoticed.

Now though I feel a bit more prepared to share it with a larger crowd. It might just seem like incoherent ramblings, or a really bad attempt at poetry, but... that felt like the best way to get the words out.
Click to Expand
I'm here, alone, staring at the words I'm writing as I try to understand my own feelings. I feel so empty inside and despite my best efforts I cannot seem to fill that void. Lonely, I feel like I'm constantly standing on the sideline, gazing forward at everyone else, the collective, them.

I leer at them as I fall deeper and deeper into the hole within myself, spiralling into a sense of isolation so strong there is a constant threat of tears breaking through my facade. Am I being dramatic? No doubt. Are these feelings real to me? No doubt. And though I feel them so clearly I am left at a loss as to what to do, looking up towards the exit to this hole I'm in as I try to find the answer, but I'm stumbling over my own feet as I trip through the darkness I'm in. I cannot find an answer, even though I know the feeling I crave. I wish to be a part of something. A part of everyone else. The collective. Them.

But how do I know if I am? Maybe I already am? My mind swirls and drowns in the questions, ponderings and wonderings of my own curiousity and uncertainty; What does it feel like? Could you ever describe it? Am I capable of feeling it?

I'm here, alone, staring at the words I'm writing as I try to understand my own feelings. As I try to understand everyone else. The collective. Them. But I feel as if I might as well be from a different planet, as if my mind works on a different frequency, and I speak in a different language, attempting to monkey the words and phrases of others, hoping that I'm understood, and hiding when I think I'm not. So I hide, in my home, in my clothes, in my chair, behind the frozen expression that keeps my sadness inside, like the calm ocean surface above the violents currents below.

And all the while I long to be part of something, to finally grow up, break out of my cacoon and move freely in the world. But as I look in the mirror and see a figure in make-up, flowing hair and nice clothes I am terrified, as if I'm moving too quickly, as if I'm gonna be caught and condemned for my treacherous attempts to be an ordinary person. "You're not an ordinary person" my head tells me. "You're still that awkward toad of a child that you've always been, and always will be." The chubby child who got angry at the smallest of things, who was clumsy, slow-minded, jejune and who seemed to want everything, but in reality wanted just one; to be loved for who she was...

"You don't deserve to be loved, you don't deserve to be liked, and anyone who sees you knows that you are a blundering mess. They know that you don't belong with them, that you are simply something wrong with the world. A mistake of mother nature, a glitch in the code, a piece without a puzzle. And if anyone treats you kindly? It's because your trickery has fooled them, but sooner or later they'll realize what you are. You're not even good enough to be a freak, you're simply something that shouldn't of been."

I'm here...


That's well written and moving. We're all connected through LRR at least so you can feel a part of that collective. Mood in a way connects us all too, even if they aren't exactly the same mood state concurrently.

Has anyone seen Mister_Blue_Sky? I've not seen him in a while and wondered.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Deedles » 03 Apr 2016, 03:00

No I haven't seen Mister_Blue_Sky. I hope he's okay though. ):

And thank you, Danielle. You're right, but that still doesn't seem to calm my mind when I feel lonely. That's partially why I wrote it in the first place, to try to describe how vague and yet how specific that loneliness was, among other things.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby AdmiralMemo » 03 Apr 2016, 16:07

I have become Garbage Human, Destroyer of Self and Mind. :-(

Edit: Well, maybe it's fitting that, in the process of getting home and ending up getting lost, I'm now waiting for a bus down in a bad part of town, next to the maximum security prison. :|
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Deedles » 06 Apr 2016, 10:42

Some people seem to have a real boner for hating on Frozen, and while I personally like it I can agree that it was over-hyped, but it doesn't stop at that. It's insults thrown left and right about it.

This isn't a big thing, but it's a behaviour that I see when it comes to other things as well. Just this senseless insulting of something or someone because the person in question doesn't like it/them, seeming to take even the slightest of chances given to them to bitch about chosen dislike.

Why can't people just ignore the things they don't like and instead focus on the stuff that they DO like?
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby My pseudonym is Ix » 06 Apr 2016, 11:44

To hate and anger is a cathartic and indulgent emotion. It's rather like doughnuts; something that is long-term harmful to one's health and general wellbeing, but short term can be very satisfying.

Then again, I have a long history of anger problems so maybe I'm just an awful person like that.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Deedles » 06 Apr 2016, 11:59

No, I know what you mean. I've had been living with anger issues as well since I was a child, but to use the situation that made me post here as an example; A page on facebook had made a post about someone trying not to sing along to Be A Man from Mulan, but can't help themselves. Cue several people replying with "Yeah, when I hear Disney songs I can't help but sing along!", then one person appears and replies "Yeah, except Let It Go from Frozen because it's annoying and the movie is shit.".

That focus on negativity isn't anger issues, as least as far as my experience goes, because it's not fueled by anger, but by seemingly this innate desire to just spit on something you don't like.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Phi » 06 Apr 2016, 22:20

"Because people are idiots" is the most logical answer I can provide, honestly.

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