The depressing depression thread

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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby My pseudonym is Ix » 07 Apr 2016, 08:29

Phi wrote:"Because people are idiots" is the most logical answer I can provide, honestly.


As a counter-argument, I refer you here.

People are not idiots. They are merely people. That means they are the product of five hundred million years of evolutionary development, pruning them to survive in a world that simply does not exist any more. The battle between what is easy and what is sensible has, by contrast, only been taken seriously for a couple of thousand years and most of that has been taken up by a series of vehement arguments as to exactly what 'sensible' means- and most of the world's population has not taken any serious part in this discussion, merely followed in its wake just like any inhabitant of an economic model.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Arclight_Dynamo » 07 Apr 2016, 10:58

I put out a bird feeder this week. Everything was great, but it snowed last night. Today, the little birds keep flying into my kitchen window - I think the extra light reflected from the snow is confusing them. I put away the feeder, closed the blinds, and taped a pie plate on a string to the window. They kept flying into it. They seem to have stopped now.

I'm *really* on edge and disturbed about it. Some of them were bloody, and one was sitting under the window stunned. And I can't seem to stop them! Worse, it's my fault they're hurting themselves - I put the feeder out.

Maybe it'll be okay when the snow melts (they weren't hurting themselves before it snowed), but I feel awful. :(
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Arclight_Dynamo » 07 Apr 2016, 11:13

No, they're still doing it. And there's nothing else I can do to stop it.

I have no idea why this is happening. We've had a feeder in that spot for years with no birds hitting the window. We just don't have it out in winter - must be the snow.

This is awful. :(
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby fantôme » 07 Apr 2016, 13:17

I've had this problem before, in different gardens, I don't know why they started and I don't know why they stopped. As a bird-lover it is heartbreaking and traumatic, I feel your pain.

Is there anywhere further from the window you can move it? Maybe just moving it anywhere will change up their routine?
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Arclight_Dynamo » 07 Apr 2016, 15:02

As I said, I removed it entirely. Didn't seem to help.

I'm going to leave it put away for a few days, at least until the snow is gone again. We'll see if they manage to stay away from the windows and, if they do, I'll consider putting it back out.

I just hate that they're being hurt.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Phi » 07 Apr 2016, 23:49

Next week I will in Finland for an interview and exams for art studies. It is very important to me, and I can't help but feeling afraid.. what if I am not good enough?
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Arclight_Dynamo » 08 Apr 2016, 18:50

Well, I spent the afternoon at the top of a ladder taping ribbons to the windows. It seems to be working - they've stopping hitting them. They still fly close, then veer off.

Also, it turns out a lot of the birds I thought were bloody were these guys. Not bloody, just coloured to look like it. So at least some of the birds weren't as hurt as I thought.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby CamelKnackRambleHort » 10 Apr 2016, 18:19

Had a severe anxiety/panic attack recently. It was really bad, I basically just shutdown for a day or two. I got to the doctor and he gave me some new medication, including an emergency anxiety relief medication in case I have another attack.

I took a few days off of work and I have been resting. My boss was very understanding, he knows that anxiety, stress, and depression are real problems, and I take days off so rarely that he knows it is something real when I need to. I've managed to keep up with school through the week as well as help my wife with my daughter as needed, so that is good. Went on a few walks with them, that really helped.

I'm feeling much better, but thought I would post here anyway. I didn't post here the night of my attack, but I strongly considered it. I don't post here often but this thread has been a big help to me over the past few months. It is good to see people on here encouraging each other and it is good to know that if I ever need a kind word I can come here.

P.S. I'm glad your birds are doing better Arclight!
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby hacofo » 10 Apr 2016, 21:51

Screwed up pretty bad on Friday.

I had to retake an exam for University that I've failed the first time.
Was pretty stressed out about it and completely misunderstood the instructions in my state of mind.

So the most likely outcome is that I have to retake this thing again.
That means instead of just a written exam I have to also pass an up to 30 minute oral exam in front of 3-5 professors.

The worst part is if i hadn't messed up the part I failed would have been simple thanks to the week of saved up overtime I sacrificed to learn for this.

So my mind is occupied with the thought of failing this again the 3rd time, and having to repeat the year because of one course. (That's one of the large drawbacks at my University, you cant advance to Sem 3 or 5 if you have courses open from the last 2.)
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Dutch guy » 11 Apr 2016, 06:33

hacofo wrote:Screwed up pretty bad on Friday.

I had to retake an exam for University that I've failed the first time.
Was pretty stressed out about it and completely misunderstood the instructions in my state of mind.

So the most likely outcome is that I have to retake this thing again.
That means instead of just a written exam I have to also pass an up to 30 minute oral exam in front of 3-5 professors.

The worst part is if i hadn't messed up the part I failed would have been simple thanks to the week of saved up overtime I sacrificed to learn for this.

So my mind is occupied with the thought of failing this again the 3rd time, and having to repeat the year because of one course. (That's one of the large drawbacks at my University, you cant advance to Sem 3 or 5 if you have courses open from the last 2.)


Don't stress out about the Oral exam. The profs aren't there to make you fail. They are there to make sure you understand the material. And they'll very often have no qualms about rephrasing something if you don't seem to understand to make sure it is the material itself you don't understand instead of misinterpreting the question. I never really feared oral exams, professors are a friendly bunch, especially if you get to talking about their field of choice.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby JustAName » 11 Apr 2016, 07:12

Also, if your professors seem friendly, go to their office hours! Professors always seemed to intimidating to me to talk to outside of class, but during my last year of undergrad I finally started doing it, and it was actually really nice! Often they've set aside that time for office hours but few people visit, so they're just sitting there for an hour or two and would welcome a chat. You can also learn things that help make the material more interesting to you that way, or at least more memorable.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Arclight_Dynamo » 11 Apr 2016, 12:34

I'm glad you're feeling better, CamelKnack, and I'm glad you have such an understanding boss. I'm sorry you had the attack, though - those are awful.

Thanks about the birds, BTW. I actually find just sitting in the kitchen and watching them is very calming.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby AdmiralMemo » 11 Apr 2016, 17:28

So I paid $94.95 to do my taxes...

to get a $113 refund. :-(
Graham wrote:The point is: Nyeh nyeh nyeh. I'm an old man.
LRRcast wrote:Paul: That does not answer that question at all.
James: Who cares about that question? That's a good answer.

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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby hacofo » 12 Apr 2016, 02:45

Thanks Dutch Guy and Fayili :)

Both are rather easy to talk to since they are around my age. (Went to talk with them after failing the first one and will again after the exam is graded.)
The upside of being nearly 30 and studying at a "University of applied Science" where most of the "Professors" are between 28 and 40.

Hearing it helped a lot, I'm really hoping the next one works out.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby My pseudonym is Ix » 12 Apr 2016, 09:16

AdmiralMemo wrote:So I paid $94.95 to do my taxes...

to get a $113 refund. :-(


..is that a bad thing? That sounds like a not bad thing.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Avistew » 12 Apr 2016, 13:30

My pseudonym is Ix wrote:
AdmiralMemo wrote:So I paid $94.95 to do my taxes...

to get a $113 refund. :-(


..is that a bad thing? That sounds like a not bad thing.


Most of the refund went to paying the people who did the taxes, so I figure that would be frustrating.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Tinasaur » 12 Apr 2016, 14:33

Danielle Pepin wrote:Dutch guy, here's another link for first post:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/hnigatu/comics-that-capture-the-frustrations-of-depression#.hi2q2jxwa


Good link, number 18 made me cry.

Deedles wrote:I wrote the beginning of this a long time ago, and believe I posted it in the Share Your Art thread, but later on I sat down and finished it, trying to put feelings, sensations and mindsets into words. I posted it on my tumblr, because I felt like getting it out there, but didn't want to put myself out there, so since I barely had any followers on there I knew it would go fairly unnoticed.

Now though I feel a bit more prepared to share it with a larger crowd. It might just seem like incoherent ramblings, or a really bad attempt at poetry, but... that felt like the best way to get the words out.
Click to Expand
I'm here, alone, staring at the words I'm writing as I try to understand my own feelings. I feel so empty inside and despite my best efforts I cannot seem to fill that void. Lonely, I feel like I'm constantly standing on the sideline, gazing forward at everyone else, the collective, them.

I leer at them as I fall deeper and deeper into the hole within myself, spiralling into a sense of isolation so strong there is a constant threat of tears breaking through my facade. Am I being dramatic? No doubt. Are these feelings real to me? No doubt. And though I feel them so clearly I am left at a loss as to what to do, looking up towards the exit to this hole I'm in as I try to find the answer, but I'm stumbling over my own feet as I trip through the darkness I'm in. I cannot find an answer, even though I know the feeling I crave. I wish to be a part of something. A part of everyone else. The collective. Them.

But how do I know if I am? Maybe I already am? My mind swirls and drowns in the questions, ponderings and wonderings of my own curiousity and uncertainty; What does it feel like? Could you ever describe it? Am I capable of feeling it?

I'm here, alone, staring at the words I'm writing as I try to understand my own feelings. As I try to understand everyone else. The collective. Them. But I feel as if I might as well be from a different planet, as if my mind works on a different frequency, and I speak in a different language, attempting to monkey the words and phrases of others, hoping that I'm understood, and hiding when I think I'm not. So I hide, in my home, in my clothes, in my chair, behind the frozen expression that keeps my sadness inside, like the calm ocean surface above the violents currents below.

And all the while I long to be part of something, to finally grow up, break out of my cacoon and move freely in the world. But as I look in the mirror and see a figure in make-up, flowing hair and nice clothes I am terrified, as if I'm moving too quickly, as if I'm gonna be caught and condemned for my treacherous attempts to be an ordinary person. "You're not an ordinary person" my head tells me. "You're still that awkward toad of a child that you've always been, and always will be." The chubby child who got angry at the smallest of things, who was clumsy, slow-minded, jejune and who seemed to want everything, but in reality wanted just one; to be loved for who she was...

"You don't deserve to be loved, you don't deserve to be liked, and anyone who sees you knows that you are a blundering mess. They know that you don't belong with them, that you are simply something wrong with the world. A mistake of mother nature, a glitch in the code, a piece without a puzzle. And if anyone treats you kindly? It's because your trickery has fooled them, but sooner or later they'll realize what you are. You're not even good enough to be a freak, you're simply something that shouldn't of been."

I'm here...


I have to agree with Danielle Pepin, well written and moving. Thank you for sharing it with us :)
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby AdmiralMemo » 12 Apr 2016, 19:21

Avistew wrote:
My pseudonym is Ix wrote:
AdmiralMemo wrote:So I paid $94.95 to do my taxes...

to get a $113 refund. :-(
..is that a bad thing? That sounds like a not bad thing.
Most of the refund went to paying the people who did the taxes, so I figure that would be frustrating.
Yep. Particularly since I'm used to a refund on the order of a few thousand in previous years.

But having only unemployment and 1 month of a part-time job for income last year both caused me to be broke and is keeping me broke. :-( The main reason I did my taxes myself this year was that I couldn't afford the usual $200 that the guy I usually get to do my taxes charges. :-(

And I still don't understand 90% of what I did last night. :-(
Graham wrote:The point is: Nyeh nyeh nyeh. I'm an old man.
LRRcast wrote:Paul: That does not answer that question at all.
James: Who cares about that question? That's a good answer.

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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby AdmiralMemo » 13 Apr 2016, 06:28

And today is starting out pretty bad too. :-( These are the days that make me wonder whether to keep going or just give up. :-(
Graham wrote:The point is: Nyeh nyeh nyeh. I'm an old man.
LRRcast wrote:Paul: That does not answer that question at all.
James: Who cares about that question? That's a good answer.

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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby J_S_Bach » 13 Apr 2016, 19:30

I've been hesitant to post anything here because I usually prefer to keep my venting face to face with a sympathetic ear. Unfortunately, that person is 16 000 Km away and I'm finding it too toxic to keep these feelings bottled up.

It all comes down to money, my finances aren't in the best of states (a hazard of my chosen profession). Which, by itself, wouldn't phase me too much as I've been used to this way of life for several years. I've also been paying more than usual for rent and bills while my partner is away. This is starting to get a little stressful, especially knowing that my pay will be getting lighter as summer approaches. For context, teachers at the lesson centre I work at get paid by students and then give the lesson centre a commission for the studio space (typically around 33%) meaning that our pay is directly related to the number of students taught by the teacher. Usually summer sees a 30-40% drop in students for all teachers, that's just a reality of the job.

What's causing me the most stress, dread, and heartache is that I am already losing students to another teacher (who is less qualified than I am). That this is happening while my partner is away so I don't have my usual support group and for the ridiculous reason that I am losing my students has my mood quickly taking a downward spiral, it's getting harder to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

The unfortunate reality is that, the reason I am losing students to this other teacher, is because of my gender. For some reason, in the eyes of my students and new potential students, my gender makes me an inferior music teacher despite my twenty years of experience, five of those years teaching full time. The inanity of this situation and the futility of trying to fight it has been crushing to my attitude and I'm finding it hard to keep it from effecting my work. I thought that I thought that gender politics wouldn't be present at all in teaching music, but I guess I've just been playing my instrument wrong all these years, I didn't realize I had to use my genitals.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Jenelmo » 20 Apr 2016, 12:08

I am extremely stressed out, at the moment.
I have a lot of rapports i have to do, besides the semester project, and classes, and finding an internship for next semester, and last time i was at an internship i had to drop out because off stress.
On top of that i haven't been sleeping well in the last week, also i am afraid i am pushing the friends i have in class away as I am stressed, tires and distracted and when we do work in groups i am not contributing what i should.
And i had been making friend with a new girl in class, but because i have been tired and distracted i have been acting a little strange the last week, and when i tried to explain it came out wrong, and i don't know if I should pretend it didn't happen because if i start to explain i am not sure if i can stop, and it is a lot to unload to a person you have know for a little over 2 months, who has as much if not more on their plate.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Deedles » 20 Apr 2016, 14:34

Tinasaur wrote:
Danielle Pepin wrote:Dutch guy, here's another link for first post:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/hnigatu/comics-that-capture-the-frustrations-of-depression#.hi2q2jxwa


Good link, number 18 made me cry.

Deedles wrote:I wrote the beginning of this a long time ago, and believe I posted it in the Share Your Art thread, but later on I sat down and finished it, trying to put feelings, sensations and mindsets into words. I posted it on my tumblr, because I felt like getting it out there, but didn't want to put myself out there, so since I barely had any followers on there I knew it would go fairly unnoticed.

Now though I feel a bit more prepared to share it with a larger crowd. It might just seem like incoherent ramblings, or a really bad attempt at poetry, but... that felt like the best way to get the words out.
Click to Expand
I'm here, alone, staring at the words I'm writing as I try to understand my own feelings. I feel so empty inside and despite my best efforts I cannot seem to fill that void. Lonely, I feel like I'm constantly standing on the sideline, gazing forward at everyone else, the collective, them.

I leer at them as I fall deeper and deeper into the hole within myself, spiralling into a sense of isolation so strong there is a constant threat of tears breaking through my facade. Am I being dramatic? No doubt. Are these feelings real to me? No doubt. And though I feel them so clearly I am left at a loss as to what to do, looking up towards the exit to this hole I'm in as I try to find the answer, but I'm stumbling over my own feet as I trip through the darkness I'm in. I cannot find an answer, even though I know the feeling I crave. I wish to be a part of something. A part of everyone else. The collective. Them.

But how do I know if I am? Maybe I already am? My mind swirls and drowns in the questions, ponderings and wonderings of my own curiousity and uncertainty; What does it feel like? Could you ever describe it? Am I capable of feeling it?

I'm here, alone, staring at the words I'm writing as I try to understand my own feelings. As I try to understand everyone else. The collective. Them. But I feel as if I might as well be from a different planet, as if my mind works on a different frequency, and I speak in a different language, attempting to monkey the words and phrases of others, hoping that I'm understood, and hiding when I think I'm not. So I hide, in my home, in my clothes, in my chair, behind the frozen expression that keeps my sadness inside, like the calm ocean surface above the violents currents below.

And all the while I long to be part of something, to finally grow up, break out of my cacoon and move freely in the world. But as I look in the mirror and see a figure in make-up, flowing hair and nice clothes I am terrified, as if I'm moving too quickly, as if I'm gonna be caught and condemned for my treacherous attempts to be an ordinary person. "You're not an ordinary person" my head tells me. "You're still that awkward toad of a child that you've always been, and always will be." The chubby child who got angry at the smallest of things, who was clumsy, slow-minded, jejune and who seemed to want everything, but in reality wanted just one; to be loved for who she was...

"You don't deserve to be loved, you don't deserve to be liked, and anyone who sees you knows that you are a blundering mess. They know that you don't belong with them, that you are simply something wrong with the world. A mistake of mother nature, a glitch in the code, a piece without a puzzle. And if anyone treats you kindly? It's because your trickery has fooled them, but sooner or later they'll realize what you are. You're not even good enough to be a freak, you're simply something that shouldn't of been."

I'm here...


I have to agree with Danielle Pepin, well written and moving. Thank you for sharing it with us :)


Thank you. It really does mean a lot to hear that.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby DennyR » 21 Apr 2016, 02:06

Had an appointment to have my meds reviewed, looks like I'm going to be put on lithium.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Avistew » 21 Apr 2016, 11:19

My first thought was of you eating batteries >.>

Anyway, good luck! Changing meds can be a pain but if the new meds help more it's definitely worth it in the end :)
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby hacofo » 21 Apr 2016, 12:52

Good luck with the new meds.

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