Venting Thread Delta - Now With Easy to Follow Rules

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Fezzul
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Re: Venting Thread Delta - Now With Easy to Follow Rules

Postby Fezzul » 07 Mar 2014, 05:01

Aubergine, you're only like that until your not.

Meet me in late 2010 and you'd have guessed my life was heading nowhere. I was taking a gap-year, which mainly consisted of sitting around, playing the guitar and sleeping a lot. I'd talked about going to drama school, but I didn't do a single piece of actual acting work until 2011. I made one or two attempts to get myself closer to the acting world, but they didn't get me anywhere, and I was scared of failing again, so I danced around all those ideas, and spent a lot of days watching TV. I got through a LOT of film and TV that year. I had a couple of part-time jobs, but they were very part-time, I never earned enough to support myself, and I wasn't that happy working in general.

I felt like I had all this stuff inside me, but that I was a wastrel and would never amount to anything at what I wanted to do, because I didn't have the ambition or the drive or the confidence to go out there and actually do those things.

The one exception to that was auditioning for drama schools. I auditioned for about half a dozen, and I did so a little half-heartedly, but I did it. And I got accepted to AADA in New York.

Drama school gave me a great deal of focus and drive, and I improved a lot in my craft, but by the end of my program I was worried again. I was worried that I was going to fade back in to those lazy patterns and do nothing. I thought that other people who were more talented and more organized than me were going to go out there and actually do it, and I would waste my own time and someone else's money sitting around and watching TV or something stupid like that. But this time I didn't.

Somehow, I flipped a switch inside my head. I was able to say to myself: "If I want to do this as much as I think I do, then I have to apply myself to the real world as much as I did to school. Because if I'm honest with myself, I will not be happy watching TV. I love TV, I love eating and I love sleeping, but 2010-2011 I was deeply unhappy. I was unhappy because I felt like I was wasting my life, and I was. I was doing the same things that any idiot could do, lying to myself and not taking steps to make myself happy. So, what can I do that will make me not do that?"

And since then I haven't stopped working. One way or another, I have stayed working in my weird, strange, fucked up, incredibly exciting field. And I'm actually quite good at it, somehow. I've been paying my bills from working creatively (mostly).

My point is, you'll find the thing in you that makes you do things. And it will seem like it's impossible to find, right up until the point that it isn't. But you can do it. You really can.

And you'll find that a lot of those other things that you want: sleeping, eating, showering, snuggling, hot wheels, social interaction etc. will come, not in spite of what you're doing, but because of what you're doing. And they will be a thousand times more enjoyable because of it.

In the mean time, hugs. Keep going. You are a long way from done.
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Re: Venting Thread Delta - Now With Easy to Follow Rules

Postby Darkobra » 07 Mar 2014, 05:25

If you want to know where your true worth lies, look at the love your friends give you. Hell, you know half of what I'd do for you. Don't give up. Of course you're going to have a long battle ahead of you. And yes, it will seem endless for a few years. But one day, you'll stop and look back without realising it and think "I've come a long way."

Just never give up, never let anything get in your way and charge straight ahead. And if a hurdle's too great, you got me. The strongest, most stubborn bastard you'll ever meet! No such thing as defeat! Just setbacks!
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Re: Venting Thread Delta - Now With Easy to Follow Rules

Postby My pseudonym is Ix » 07 Mar 2014, 06:32

auberginequeen wrote:I will never accomplish anything meaningful because I'm lazy and I lack ambition. I'm competitive as hell and it's gotten me this far through university (I like the nice numbers on my report cards, they validate me to some degree) but I have no real drive. People keep acting like this is a bad thing. They get frustrated at me for being so "smart" and having so much "potential" but not wanting to do anything with it. Other people want to make the world better or become rich or whatever. What do I want? To eat tomorrow. To sleep in a clean, warm bed. To be snuggled sometimes. A walk in the park on a sunny Summer afternoon. A hot shower. A little security. Some appreciation.

It's hard to make the connection between anything I'm doing now and the things I want. I'm paying for education so I can get a "better" job (though not really) when I don't really give a shit what I end up having to do. I'd scrub toilets on my hands and knees with a toothbrush for the rest of my life if I could come home to those things. I'm tired of being constantly poor. I may have luxury items but they were gifts and they came with a nice helping of guilt piled on top. In reality, as I am oft reminded, I have genuinely earned next to nothing and am consequently worthless.

A lot of the time it feels like I'm supposed to have these big dreams and my peers criticize me for aiming so low - for being so cynical. I'm just not very complex. I'm not concerned with appearances or status symbols or keeping up with the Joneses. I don't need to cure cancer or have a Ferrari in my garage to be happy. $1 Hotwheels make me happy. Lying in bed watching a movie with someone snuggly makes me the happiest I've ever been.

I'd much rather be doing that. Instead I'm sitting here in front of thousands of dollars worth of computer equipment listening to Mike Oldfield, getting drunk, and posting this. I don't want to be here. I've spent half of my life sitting in front of a machine alone in my room, and even though no one wanted to disturb me, I always hoped I'd be disturbed. I hate spending my life tied to this thing but I have few other options for genuine social interaction right now.

Once again this post goes nowhere in particular. A fitting metaphor, I suppose.


A lot of this world is dedicated to the idea that you must 'do something' with your life, that you must be successful according to an arbitrary standard, that you must pursue some grand goal, that you must this or that. Honestly, most people end up going through their lives just doing what they can and what they can make themselves do. Not everyone is going to be a great leader of men, a captain of industry, an expert in their field. If you want to spend your life amongst the joys of friends and family, there is absolutely nothing fucking wrong with that, and nobody, least of all you, should be allowed to tell them otherwise. Personally I've found that to have a goal helps take me out of some of the day-to-day, but everyone is different. In life, you need only one goal- to find somewhere that you fit, and to hang onto it forever.
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Re: Venting Thread Delta - Now With Easy to Follow Rules

Postby auberginequeen » 07 Mar 2014, 07:59

Thanks, guys.

I feel like my previous post was brought on by a few things going on in my life right now that discourage me a bit. Yesterday I was in a Social Psych lecture about poverty and how the gap between the rich and the poor is growing and the middle class is breaking down. I know most people already know about that (so did I) but to be reminded of it as a student about to enter a job market where "entry level" = 2-3 years experience I don't have and "precarious employment" is quickly becoming the norm makes the possibility of falling into poverty all the more salient. Especially when about 50% of the population has an undergrad degree. What have I accomplished in the past four years? Raising myself to the status quo? I don't even have the uni work experience of my peers because I'm a lazy slug.

Then again I might be accepted into grad school (waiting on replies) but after that interview I had with everyone telling me "you have to love it or you'll go crazy" scares me because I don't really think I love it. I got into this field because I took a random opportunity that popped up and have been going down that path ever since. Everyone wants me to go to grad school even though that doesn't necessarily help me in any way. I'm afraid I'll just be wasting more money, but then the job market for fresh grads is still totally shit right now so I feel like it's my only option. As one would ask, "well what else are you going to do with your time? sit at home and play video games all day? work at McDonalds?"

Then I have friends who desperately want to get into grad school for one reason or another and here I am flip-flopping over it. It's hard to talk to anyone about it because most people get jealous, and I really wish they wouldn't. I'm not saying these things to hurt them, I'm just trying to get it off my chest, but they get upset because I do so well and am so "successful" but don't want the things they would kill to have.

I dunno. I'm exhausted right now and I just woke up. Gonna be late going in again. Oh well.

I'm afraid I'm just lazy and that I secretly just want things handed to me. People tell me I'm like that, maybe they're right. Maybe I'm not willing to put in the amount of work necessary to go anywhere in life. That depresses me even more, because then all the sad feels I am experiencing are my own damn fault and I don't know how to crawl out of that pit of not doing anything that amounts to anything.

@Fezzul: While I appreciate the sentiment, I feel like the fact you had some desire (to get into acting) was important to your eventual success. If you ask me what I want or what I want to do in life, my usual answer is "Not be dead in a ditch somewhere." Most people find this jarring for some reason. No one accepts "to have a nice life" either.
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Re: Venting Thread Delta - Now With Easy to Follow Rules

Postby Darkobra » 07 Mar 2014, 09:29

Well I can tell you that you're not like that. You've just not found your passion. Once you do, you fight tooth and nail to make it happen no matter what. It's easier to walk away from things you don't enjoy, especially if you're not being rewarded for it.

Right now, you're paying to do something you don't enjoy and it's chipping away at you. But you don't want to walk away because you're so close to the big pay-off. I've been there. I stayed for the big pay, got myself financially comfortable and found a deviation that I COULD enjoy.

Everything you're doing right now will lead you somewhere down the line. It's hard to see now but when it happens, you'll know why. It's up to you if you want to find something else now or make this work now and find something else later. Don't let people tear you down. Especially those that keep lording their success over you and expect you to follow their lead. Be yourself, be happy and ignore those with a cranium obstructing their cloaca.
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Re: Venting Thread Delta - Now With Easy to Follow Rules

Postby CrazyMax46 » 08 Mar 2014, 01:43

I hate my writing. It sucks. I hate everything about it. I don't even know why I bother to even try to write anymore. I'm not talented and I have a hard enough time getting a proper thought through my head, I don't know why I should think I can write anyways. Fuck me. I'm fucking stupid.
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Re: Venting Thread Delta - Now With Easy to Follow Rules

Postby Dutch guy » 08 Mar 2014, 03:52

Aubergine, keep in mind only a very small percentage of uni students go to work in their actual field of study. A lot of them go on to do something entirely different. I've encountered business people in technical jobs and technical people in business positions. Find something you enjoy doing, no matter how hard it is.

Looking back now at that first post I made in this thread, I don't even know why I was so worried. I found what I like to be doing, I found a job I enjoy and I'm not worried anymore. And I'm very sure YOU will find a job you can enjoy as well.
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Re: Venting Thread Delta - Now With Easy to Follow Rules

Postby Ptangmatik » 08 Mar 2014, 04:58

Dutch guy wrote:Aubergine, keep in mind only a very small percentage of uni students go to work in their actual field of study.


Me: Maths/Computer Science -> Proofreader.
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Re: Venting Thread Delta - Now With Easy to Follow Rules

Postby Merrymaker_Mortalis » 08 Mar 2014, 05:28

Youtube videos expressing an opinion which are boring to listen to.

The internet is used for recreational use. Why am I going to invest 20 minutes/30 minutes of my time listening to you give your opinion on a subject in a monotone voice? I could spend 20 minutes watching an Anime with a terrible plot and continuity.

I would love to respect other people's opinions that differ from mine. But if it's presented in a "snorefest" format, then I am not going to be inclined to even bother trying to understand.

It can be solved by keeping it short, or keeping it engaging.

Same could be said for text articles as well. If I am getting bored reading your opinion, then I'll stop reading and forget what you've said before hand.
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Re: Venting Thread Delta - Now With Easy to Follow Rules

Postby Darkobra » 08 Mar 2014, 13:27

Found a bunch of silver looking coins dumped in the street. Picked it all up. Total of £2. Not a bad find!

Upon closer expection, one of the coins was a 1968 5 pence which is the EXACT same size and style of a 10 pence on the front and on the back is different. So I looked it up! Might be worth something!

Worth £1 to coin collectors. And then further down the list were people selling OTHER 5 pence coins. "This INCREDIBLY RARE 5 pence coin with the shield of England is not found in circulation ANYWHERE! £20 for one!"

I GOT TWO ON MY FUCKING DESK! I saw it and was thinking "They're talking shit. I KNOW I've had that before. I've physically had that in my hand and went 'Oh that's interesting!' There's no WAY it's that rare." And just checked TWO of the things found in that looting!

So either that £2 I found is now £42 or they're TALKING MONUMENTAL SHIT! And I think we all know which is more likely!
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Re: Venting Thread Delta - Now With Easy to Follow Rules

Postby Merrymaker_Mortalis » 08 Mar 2014, 14:20

I don't like singers who sound like they're being sick. I understand it's a "rock sound", but it's also a "Stomach Evacuating Its Contents" sound too.
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Re: Venting Thread Delta - Now With Easy to Follow Rules

Postby Duckay » 08 Mar 2014, 15:26

Why do some people endeavor to put other people down when they realize they're wrong about something? Especially when it's about something petty.

For example, when talking about cosplaying a character from the Batman universe: "No, there was only ever one Robin. Dick Grayson." "No, there were several after Grayson, including -" "Yeah, well, I only read books that are actually words."

Or when recounting a poker story involving a split pot: "You never split the pot in poker. It goes to whoever the last person to raise was." "I don't know about that, but the league rules -" "Yeah, well, I actually played with real friends."

I don't know, maybe this is all just proof that I shouldn't tell them stories about nerdy things or weird hobbies of mine.
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Re: Venting Thread Delta - Now With Easy to Follow Rules

Postby Darkobra » 08 Mar 2014, 16:24

I feel the great need to slap them. Tyrion style.
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Re: Venting Thread Delta - Now With Easy to Follow Rules

Postby Merrymaker_Mortalis » 08 Mar 2014, 16:37

Yeah, I sort of Fed up my left foot.

Lets see how many hurts it has tomorrow.
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Re: Venting Thread Delta - Now With Easy to Follow Rules

Postby Bebop Man » 08 Mar 2014, 18:28

Fuuuuuuuuuuuck I'm listening to the Lavender Town OST on YouTube and the fucking phone down the living room starts ringing! Fuck you caller!
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Re: Venting Thread Delta - Now With Easy to Follow Rules

Postby My pseudonym is Ix » 09 Mar 2014, 01:59

Current time for this particular bout of gut-induced agony stands at 36 hours- and I've just been told that the painkillers I've been taking are likely making it worse.
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Re: Venting Thread Delta - Now With Easy to Follow Rules

Postby Darkobra » 09 Mar 2014, 04:55

Definitely likely. I never take painkillers with abdominal pains for that very reason.
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Re: Venting Thread Delta - Now With Easy to Follow Rules

Postby Merrymaker_Mortalis » 09 Mar 2014, 13:50

Music Snobbery.

I'm sorry that I don't really like "Queen" or "The Who" or "The Beatles".
I know everyone likes them. I know they're good. I even acknowledge that they're good. Doesn't mean I need to like them, or even let them be my musical inspiration.

The world would sound very boring if every musician had the same Inspirations.

So please, don't undermine my music taste or insult me when I say "I'm not really into Beatles/Queen/Who/anyother influential band"
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Re: Venting Thread Delta - Now With Easy to Follow Rules

Postby JustAName » 09 Mar 2014, 23:43

I have three flatmates. Each one of them has had their tuition and all living costs provided for them by their family, with money to spare. I'm glad that they have been afforded this luxury. They're wonderful people and I love them very much, and it's good that they don't have to worry about money. But. Sometimes I get very resentful that they're not constantly in fear of the debts that will kick in when I graduate. I still can't find a job, and I'm staying here next year in the hopes that I'll find something because fuck knows I don't want to move back home, and I'm not going to have more luck job searching in the Bay Area anyway, but... I can't find a job, and I'm signing up for over half a thousand dollars in rent each month. When I'm many thousands of dollars in debt. And I can't fathom not having this debilitating fear constantly hanging over my head. I feel like throwing up, but that wouldn't accomplish anything anyway. This sucks.
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Re: Venting Thread Delta - Now With Easy to Follow Rules

Postby MinniChi » 10 Mar 2014, 16:41

Back story:
I was on Maternity leave, thought the payments had finished and started a new job. Turns out I had to pay them back 540$ instead. Did that while on the phone with the rep who told me I owed them the money.

Now, over 1 month later. I'm getting calls from the revenue agency (another department) telling me I still owe the government this money. So now I have to somehow find time between class and work to call yet another department to find the money. And if they can't, I have to get the bank to launch an investigation. This is a headache.
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Re: Venting Thread Delta - Now With Easy to Follow Rules

Postby Darkobra » 10 Mar 2014, 17:02

People make mistakes. People also ask for advice to avoid making mistakes. Why do I feel like I am surrounded by people who ask for advice to avoid making mistakes and then GO FUCKING DO IT ANYWAY?!

Everybody fucks up. That's life. We all jump in blind, hope for the best and come out with war wounds. But I don't ask the pilot where the parachutes are, ignore him and jump out without it!
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Re: Venting Thread Delta - Now With Easy to Follow Rules

Postby Ptangmatik » 10 Mar 2014, 20:23

Goddamnit. Sentences are starting to revolve on the screen; this is not helpful, brain.
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Re: Venting Thread Delta - Now With Easy to Follow Rules

Postby ZePancakes » 11 Mar 2014, 00:26

Fuck University car parks.
Oh-h-h-h SNAP... Concede.

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Re: Venting Thread Delta - Now With Easy to Follow Rules

Postby Merrymaker_Mortalis » 11 Mar 2014, 00:48

Oh Delain. Why does the preview for your upcoming new album disappoint me?

Why is Nightwish the only band now who I consistently like?
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Re: Venting Thread Delta - Now With Easy to Follow Rules

Postby Phailhammer » 11 Mar 2014, 01:21

ZePancakes wrote:Fuck University car parks.


What happened?
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