Script idea: Witch insurance?

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Script idea: Witch insurance?

Postby Dr.Susse » 05 May 2012, 00:18

Gday all long time video lurker here. I recently had an idea for a sketch and decided to try my had a writing. It might be a bit short but any opinions?

Witch life insurance?

Scene: Outside a Modern house a Man wearing a suit and coat walks towards the door, rigs the doorbell which is answered by a lady in a dressing gown:

Man:"Hello peasant! My name is Gilles Corey and you seem to be a person in need of insurance."

Woman starts to speak but is quickly cut off: "Wait no..."

Man: "Now I know you are about to slam the door in my face but before you do that consider this. According to our records you are currently living alone with a single income. Rent, bills and living costs are taking up all your pay; So who is going to provide your money and assurance of living if you become incapacitated? More importantly who will care for your two dependents?
So bearing this in mind if I where to say to you that two hundred dollars a month will offer absolute cover what would you say?"

Woman Confused and then agitated: How did you know about the cats? Wait that's not the point; Thank you anyway insurance isn't on my mind right now."

Man: "Not on your mind? What happens if the plague breaks out in the area or what will you do if a pack of wolves take over your lounge room?"

Woman:"We're in the suburbs there aren't wolves here and I'll try to avoid the rats and any bubonic bunny that I see thank you."

Man:"Well what will you do if you suddenly pass away?"

Woman: "Rot slowly I presume. Good bye Mr.Corey."

She closes the door and the man is standing on the other side of it.

Woman surprised: "Ahh! How did you get in here?"

Man replies quickly : "I broke a window.
Now Back to this policy (He takes a piece of paper from his coat pocket while talking) I drew this up for you while I was outside. I believe you'll find it to be almost menacingly reasonable, Alice Buckley wasn't it?"

Woman sacred now: "That's my name How did you know that? Leave or I'm calling the police"

Man: Ha ha.
A funny joke Alice! (He puts the paper away)
You ask questions I like that about humans, so inquisitive and so fragile......(Speaking very darkly)Or should I say so very, very in need of insurance.

Woman Quivering: "Please what are you?"

Man: "Me? well I'm a insurance salesman.

Woman: "No who are you."

Man: "If you must know I'm a witch who a thousand years ago was slain by some bloody do-gooder knight and is now being forced to spend the rest of his eternity selling insurance to peasants. All because I stole the youth of one maiden. (Sighs) I hate knights!"

Woman Timidly: "But I thought witches were all women."

Man offended: "Woah wait on right there! That is stepping too far over the line. Just because I'm male it doesn't make me a warlock or some beardy wizard. Witches have come a long way since the good old days, or dark ages as you call them, to be stereotyped so hatefully like that, we are a proud group with a rich history of many great achievements.
I'm different in heaps of ways. For example; I'm not evil; I try to be kind; I give to charity and I haven't tried to cook any small children since those Dutch kids ate my house.... (Brief pause)

Woman quietly: "You'd also be good at burning."

Man very angrily: WHAT! (Awkward silence)...... it doesn't matter I'm a witch (Sarcastically) bed nobs, broomsticks and all. So please for the sake of Satan buy some of this overpriced insurance."

Woman now regaining some confidence: No I don't need any!"

Man Stares and speaks menacingly: " Well If you don't think peace of mind is important (Produces an apple from his coat) would you rather eat this apple..... (Said darkly while Pushing it towards her)"

Woman now back to full confidence pushes the apple away: "No! I just bought some insurance from a troll last month and he at least had the common decency to not break any of my windows; Oh and he didn't try to poison me with fruit.

Man: "The trolls are cutting in on my area? Those moss covered bastards! (Puts apple away)

Woman: "leave my house or I'm getting a bucket of water."

Man: "Now now no need to be rash."

Woman glares then walks away shouting: Well it's a good thing then that the troll also sold me home and contents insurance because you are about to be melted into my carpet."

Man angrily: "Fine mortal I'll leave! But know this Alice Buckley from this day you will be cursed! No longer will you be covered by acts of you pitiful god, no longer will your premium be carried over to the next fiscal year, no longer will you be insured against flood damage! Ha ha ha ha!" * Disappears in a puff of smoke with trailing off laughter*

Woman: "That's it I'm buying a steak for the front yard."

*Stinger* Alice is sitting in her living room reading, in the background a wolf howl can be heard, she looks up afraid.

Thanks for reading.

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