Dave's Terrible Businesses

Is there something you want to see? Give us suggestions here.
User avatar
Sieg Reyu
Posts: 2925
Joined: 16 Oct 2006, 12:24
First Video: How to Talk Like a Pirate
Location: State of Confusion
Contact:

Dave's Terrible Businesses

Postby Sieg Reyu » 20 Nov 2013, 00:17

If the spokesman for Dave's terrible businesses ever reappears, here are a couple of prompts and slogans, as well as a full script for one.

Dave's Discount Parachutes and Scuba Gear
"With prices this low, who needs reliability?"
Dave's Strip Search
"It's not what you think, I promise."
Dave's Drug Store
"We don't sell meth." *wink*
Dave's Camp Weedontwantcha
"Leave your kids now, pick them up 'later.'"


Dave's Creamery and Crematorium
"The cold certainty of death is a terrible thing. BUt you know what isn't, ice cream. So bring the kids on down to Dave's Creamery and Crematorium. While Grandpa Joe is in the back being turned into an ashy heap, serve the kiddos a heaping scoop of our delicious ice cream. Talking to your kids about death and the afterlife is never easy, but our many flavors can help get the conversation started, with flavors like, Heavenly Vanilla or Purgatory Pecan Praline. Or maybe Grandma was a ripe old bitch, why not try our delicous Devil's Food, with bits of chocolate cake and brimstone. But you'd be hardpressed to pass up our most popular flavor, No More Mommy Mint. So come on down to Dave's Creamery and Crematorium, 'come chill while your loved one burn.'"
Image Image Image
User avatar
Sieg Reyu
Posts: 2925
Joined: 16 Oct 2006, 12:24
First Video: How to Talk Like a Pirate
Location: State of Confusion
Contact:

Re: Dave's Terrible Businesses

Postby Sieg Reyu » 22 Nov 2013, 00:29

Dave's Discount Apothecary
Has Modern Medicine left you wanting more? Are Hospitals draining you of every cent? Then come on down to Dave's Discount Old-Timey Apothecary, where the savings, much like the countless infectious diseases our instruments are covered,are being passed on to you. Buy three blood-lettings, get the fourth one free. You've got aches of pains, we've got a tanker full of mercury to pump into ya! Got a broken foot? Then hobble on down on Thursdays when all amputations are half off! You want snake oil? We got more snake oil that you and a mob can angrily shake a pitchfork and/or torch at! Come in with a disease we don't know about, and get a free hat. So come on down and we might possible maybe cure you at Dave's Discount Old-Timey Apothecary, where the only blood-sucking leeches you have to worry about, are the actual blood-sucking leeches.

Dave's Ink and Drink
Hey everybody, have you ever wanted to get a tattoo, but couldn't work up the guts to go through with is? Then come on down to Dave's Ink and Drink: Tattoo Parlor and Bar. Just come on down, order a few drinks, and once you're in a better state-of-mind, stumble on over to one of our not quite 100% licensed tattoo artists. Now I know what you're saying, you get self-conscience around sober people when you're drunk. Not to worry! Our tattoo artists will match you drink for drink, in fact, if he gets too drunk to walk, your tattoo is fifty percent off!! Still not sure? Just check out one of our many not undissatisfied customers.

This might be a butterfly
Image

This probably says something
Image

I'm not even sure what this is
Image

Okay this one actually looks pretty sweet, are you sure we did it?
Image

So come on down to Dave's Ink and Drink: Tattoo Parlor and Bar, where the alcohol and the ink come from the same vat.
Image Image Image
User avatar
Canageek
Posts: 125
Joined: 13 Nov 2013, 21:41
First Video: I have no idea. Something in ~2005?
Location: Burnaby, BC, Canada
Contact:

Re: Dave's Terrible Businesses

Postby Canageek » 12 Jan 2014, 19:10

Ok, I don't have the speech pattern down, so feel free to offer improvements:

Dave's Witness Protection Program and Space Agency: Got a problem with some people? Some angry people that keep finding you? Why not get blasted into space! Who would look for you there? Even if you don't make it, who knows where you will land! Even we don't! We even have some clients in orbit right now, like Johnny, who is hiding from the mob. Someday we even hope to bring them home.
Come have a look at my roleplaying blog http://canageek.wordpress.com

"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is." --Attributed to Jan L.A. van de Snepscheut
User avatar
Merrymaker_Mortalis
Posts: 7223
Joined: 24 Feb 2010, 19:19
First Video: ENN's First Episode on Escapist
Location: Wales

Re: Dave's Terrible Businesses

Postby Merrymaker_Mortalis » 13 Jan 2014, 08:05

Dave's Pet Kennels and Crematorium. Leave your pet here as you enjoy a holiday. Your dog slash cat slash duck will never be cold.
User avatar
Canageek
Posts: 125
Joined: 13 Nov 2013, 21:41
First Video: I have no idea. Something in ~2005?
Location: Burnaby, BC, Canada
Contact:

Re: Dave's Terrible Businesses

Postby Canageek » 13 Jan 2014, 11:29

Dave's Child Care Centre and Private Prison: Do you want your kids to be nice and secure? Do you want them to learn valuable life lessons like how to make a shiv or how to trade 200 cigarettes for an extra serving of ice cream? Come on down to Dave's Daycare and Correctional Centre!
Come have a look at my roleplaying blog http://canageek.wordpress.com

"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is." --Attributed to Jan L.A. van de Snepscheut
User avatar
Sieg Reyu
Posts: 2925
Joined: 16 Oct 2006, 12:24
First Video: How to Talk Like a Pirate
Location: State of Confusion
Contact:

Re: Dave's Terrible Businesses

Postby Sieg Reyu » 17 Nov 2015, 23:37

Dave's Creamery and Creamatorium 2
Here at Dave's Creamery and Creamatorium, we like to keep things happening. Except for the corpses, those didn't happen, we swear, they were like that when you brought them here. We have our hand on the pulse of the ice cream world as well as the bodies due to that recent court decision. And one thing that is happening right now are those frozen yogurt places where you mix the stuff in. So, to keep up with the times, and NOT to distract you from the screaming protesters out front, we are happy to announce a Frozen yogurt bar, complete with mix-ins. Come on in and enjoy a nice cup of Goodbye Granny Smith Apple, and mix in a big heap of raspberries, strawberries, mini candy tombstones, chocolate pieces, dirt, fruity bobas, bits of granite, or nuts. And don't forget about our other delicious flavors, like Caramel Ripple Mortis, Chocolate Chip Cookie Don't Ask Why We Can't Visit Uncle Ted Anymore, Kids I Think It's Time You Learned About Death By Chocolate, and Daddy's Done For Dulce de Leche. But why stop at ice creams mix in's, throw in some colorful pebbles, tiny cars, yo-yos, lincoln logs, quarters, or those butterscotch candies with Grandpa's ashes and the kids won't be able to tell the difference from the real thing. So run, don't mourn, on down to Dave's Creamery and Crematorium, where the only thing colder than our tasty treats is the inevitable grasp of death's icy cold hand. It comes for us all, it comes for us all.
Image Image Image
User avatar
Valliac
Posts: 673
Joined: 04 Jun 2011, 21:41
First Video: Unskippable - Lost Planet
Location: Delaware, USA

Re: Dave's Terrible Businesses

Postby Valliac » 18 Nov 2015, 21:35

Here at Dave's Creamery and Creamatorium, we like to keep things happening. Except for the corpses, those didn't happen, we swear, they were like that when you brought them here. We have our hand on the pulse of the ice cream world as well as the bodies due to that recent court decision. And one thing that is happening right now are those frozen yogurt places where you mix the stuff in. So, to keep up with the times, and NOT to distract you from the screaming protesters out front, we are happy to announce a Frozen yogurt bar, complete with mix-ins. Come on in and enjoy a nice cup of Goodbye Granny Smith Apple, and mix in a big heap of raspberries, strawberries, mini candy tombstones, chocolate pieces, dirt, fruity bobas, bits of granite, or nuts. And don't forget about our other delicious flavors, like Caramel Ripple Mortis, Chocolate Chip Cookie Don't Ask Why We Can't Visit Uncle Ted Anymore, Kids I Think It's Time You Learned About Death By Chocolate, and Daddy's Done For Dulce de Leche. But why stop at ice creams mix in's, throw in some colorful pebbles, tiny cars, yo-yos, lincoln logs, quarters, or those butterscotch candies with Grandpa's ashes and the kids won't be able to tell the difference from the real thing. So run, don't mourn, on down to Dave's Creamery and Crematorium, where the only thing colder than our tasty treats is the inevitable grasp of death's icy cold hand. It comes for us all, it comes for us all.


^ This right here seriously needs to be a sketch.
"Also known as a 'Trigger-operated EVERYONE deterrent'."
Streaming at: http://www.twitch.tv/Valliac


Image
User avatar
Sieg Reyu
Posts: 2925
Joined: 16 Oct 2006, 12:24
First Video: How to Talk Like a Pirate
Location: State of Confusion
Contact:

Re: Dave's Terrible Businesses

Postby Sieg Reyu » 18 Nov 2015, 22:21

Image Image Image
User avatar
Sieg Reyu
Posts: 2925
Joined: 16 Oct 2006, 12:24
First Video: How to Talk Like a Pirate
Location: State of Confusion
Contact:

Re: Dave's Terrible Businesses

Postby Sieg Reyu » 17 Nov 2016, 21:33

Dave's Creamery and Crematorium 3: The Finale
Here at Dave's Creamery and Crematorium, our frozen confections, much like the grim specter of death, are cold, cold, cold, but our deals out hot, hot, hot, much like the cleansing inferno, consuming all in its voracious maw. So why NOT stuff your voracious maw with a bargain priced tub of our delectable creamed ice? Come on donw and get 50% all gallon jugs of such incredible flavors of
Bye Bye Bubula Bubblegum,
Grieving Grape
Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Not Resuscitate,
Mortuary Mocha,
Peanut Butter Bereavement
Unplugging the LIME Support,
Charon Cherry Cheesecake
Pushing up Daiquris
or Death Rides a Pale Horchata
And that's not all, you've got a morose three year old? Treat them with Buy One Get One Free on Nihilism Neopolitan. All offers are invalid if you ask why they are on sale. Don't ask why they are on sale. DON'T! Ask why they are on sale?

Death is unpredictable, much like the chaotic dancing flame, traveling through air vents, destroying refrigeration units and contaminating untold amounts of product. But one thing you can? count on is the savings so good, you'll die. And then you will be enveloped by the welcoming embrace of the fiery arms of our kiln. Take this ice cream before the FDA does.

Dave's Creamery and Crematorium: Taste the Entropy.
Image Image Image
User avatar
Psycat Aurora
Posts: 458
Joined: 15 Jun 2011, 20:35
First Video: Rejected WiiPlay Games
Location: Ottawa, Ontario

Re: Dave's Terrible Businesses

Postby Psycat Aurora » 18 Nov 2016, 04:03

I really enjoyed that.
Deviantart: Psycat-Aurora
Instagram: @psycataurora
Tumblr: Psycat Aurora
Twitter: @Psycat_Aurora
User avatar
Sieg Reyu
Posts: 2925
Joined: 16 Oct 2006, 12:24
First Video: How to Talk Like a Pirate
Location: State of Confusion
Contact:

Re: Dave's Terrible Businesses

Postby Sieg Reyu » 18 Nov 2016, 08:55

Thanks.

Putting the video link for posterity. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HiIQKf0kDuk
Image Image Image

Return to “Video Suggestions”



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 7 guests