(Inspired by dealing with safety warnings on products for infants)
INT AN OFFICE. Person 1 is sitting down. Person 2 dashes in, almost frantic.
Person 2: Boss, we may have a problem with the new product.
Person 1: Oh no - is it completely unsafe for babies?
Person 2: Exactly the opposite -- it's completely SAFE.
Person 1: I don't understand.
Person 2: There's nothing to put in the warning!
Person 1: You mean it's COMPLETELY safe?
Person 2: Yes!
Person 1: A baby can't suffocate, strangle, or drown?
Person 2: Not even if used by a clown!
Person 1: No injuries or wounds?
Person 2: Neither late nor soon!
Person 1: What about poisoning or infection?
Person 2: Not even with a deflection!
Person 1: They can't burn, overheat, or freeze?
Person 2: Not even in a squeeze!
Person 1: What about a dismemberment or decapitation?
Person 2: Not anywhere in this nation!
Person 1: My God...how are we going to make sure that parents are safe with their newborns if we've got nothing to put on the warning label?
Person 2: I have an idea...it's a stretch, and it's not the BABY getting hurt, but it just might work...
CUT TO two parents looking at the warning label on paper instructions, puzzled.
Parent 1: Where would an infant get a derringer?
SOUND OF A DERRINGER COCKING OFF SCREEN.
Parent 2: Oh! Of course.
Parent 1: So, what does this thing DO, anyway?
Parent 2: I...don't know.
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