Rejected ENN – Feb 24, 2009
February 24th, 2010

Posted by Jeremy

Every week, Paul, Graham, Kathleen and I get together to write ENN. Over the week, each of us actually writes stories separately, then we get together on Fridays to choose what to use, what to revise, etc. Sometimes the stories we throw out aren’t very good; other times, they are too obscure for a wider audience. Even so, sometimes very good stories have to be thrown out because there is just not enough space for them in the episode. Here are two of those stories for this week’s episode, along with some of my favourite art because I can:

PikMEN (cut for space; possibly too obvious)

At a recent symposium, Shigeru Miyamoto’s noted, that the design goal of Pikmin was to be appealing to teenaged girls. He noted character design as a focus for this initiative. [shot of a Pikimin looking like a dong]

SRSBZNSSKTHXBYE (cut for space; possibly too obvious)

Game Developer Zynga is buying Serious Business, developers of the Facebook game “friends for sale”. Analysts have stated that this transaction demonstrates that social gaming on platforms like Facebook, has in fact, reached the level of “serious business.”

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Posted in Escapist News Network, LRR | 1 Comment »

Rejected ENN – Feb 17, 2010
February 18th, 2010

Posted by Jeremy

Every week, Paul, Graham, Kathleen and I get together to write ENN. Over the week, each of us actually writes stories separately, then we get together on Fridays to choose what to use, what to revise, etc. Sometimes the stories we throw out aren’t very good; other times, they are too obscure for a wider audience. Even so, sometimes very good stories have to be thrown out because there is just not enough space for them in the episode. Here are two of those stories for this week’s episode:

Nintendon’t (two stories on same topic)

Joystiq is reporting that an Australian software pirate who uploaded New Super Mario Bros. Wii to the internet a week prior to its release, has been found guilty and fined $1.5 million dollars. Nintendo obviously felt such piracy was a concern, considering the game has only sold 10-and-a-half million copies in the 90 days since its release. Shigeru Miyamoto, in his role as Father of Modern Gaming, said he wasn’t angry, just disappointed.

The Revolution Will Not be Digitized (too obscure)

SquareEnix has registered a trademark for Deus Ex: Human Revolution–a curious choice given that the Deus Ex IP is owned by competitor Ubisoft. Square Enix Alphomega Imperial Hot clarified to ENN that the trademark doesnt refer to a game, so much as his plans to create a gigantic, robotic Robspierre to set loose on the French publisher, insighting the Deus Ex team to revolt, and join his company. The robot is scheduled for release in 2015, alongside Final Fantasy XV.

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Posted in Escapist News Network | 10 Comments »

Rejected ENN – Feb 3, 2010
February 4th, 2010

Posted by Jeremy

Every week, Paul, Graham, Kathleen and I get together to write ENN. Over the week, each of us actually writes stories separately, then we get together on Fridays to choose what to use, what to revise, etc. Sometimes the stories we throw out aren’t very good; other times, they are too obscure for a wider audience. Even so, sometimes very good stories have to be thrown out because there is just not enough space for them in the episode. Here are two of those stories for this week’s episode:

Dragons in Dungeons

The 7th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals has rejected the plea of prisoner Kevin T. Singer to be allowed to play Dungeons and Dragons. Officers at the Waupun Correctional Institution where Singer is incarcerated were pleased with the decision, saying “We can’t have prisoners exploring an enchanted fantasy realm while in custody, what if he were to find a Cape of the Mountebank? That would allow him to cast a dimension door spell once per day and he could easily escape.”

Proof: Tomb of Horrors designed by psychopaths

New Pokemon

Nintendo announced last week that the Pokemon Company is hard at work on a new series of entries in its award-winning franchise, to be released later this year. When asked what makes this game so original, Sotori Tajiri noted “We’ve actually managed to enclose an entire Z80 processor into the DS cartridge–what makes the new Pokémon so unique is its ability to look and sound exactly like a Game Boy Color game–a feat we have yet to achieve on the DS.”

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Posted in Escapist News Network | 3 Comments »

Rejected ENN – Jan 27, 2010
January 28th, 2010

Posted by Jeremy

Every week, Paul, Graham, Kathleen and I get together to write ENN. Over the week, each of us actually writes stories separately, then we get together on Fridays to choose what to use, what to revise, etc. Sometimes the stories we throw out aren’t very good; other times, they are too obscure for a wider audience. Even so, sometimes very good stories have to be thrown out because there is just not enough space for them in the episode. Here are some of those stories for this week’s episode:

She Caught them All

Pokemon collectors are being forced to find something meaningful to do with their lives now that the Guiness Book of World Records has declared 21 year old Lisa Coutney the ultimate Pokemon champ for her collection of just over 12,000 specimens. When asked for comment on how he felt about living out the rest of his life in captivity, all Pikachu could muster was a weak, “pika… chu”, as he rattled a small tin cup against the cold iron bars of his cage.

Kindle My Love

Zero Punctuation isn’t the only game headed to the Kindle this spring, as Amazon has opened development up to third parties with the release of the Kindle development kit. Randy Destrier from Amazon told ENN that “with it’s snappy processor, and quick (for an e-reader) screen refresh times, we’re confident Kindle will be able to compete with whatever Apple has to offer. Heck, it already runs Marathon better than a Powerbook 170, one of 1991’s fastest and most capable portables. [cutaway of Marathon running like a slideshow in B&W on a Powerbook 100-series]

Digital … Story that kinda went off the rails

Web-tech-company-that-is-totally-not-a-robot-master Green Man is demonstrating a technology that allows users to trade digitally purchased products for credit towards future purchases. Other users may then purchase these virtual used copies at a discount. “We understand the appeal of pawnshops like GameStop, and are committed to fully capturing that experience in the digital realm,” said a spokesman, cradling an E-tank and carefully eyeing the gate to his boss room, “We’ve already added the sounds of crying children to our client, and are working on a peripheral to spray users with gamer musk as they use the online storefront.” the Green Man spokesman declined to comment further, after exploding in a starburst and surrendering both his power and dog to a nearby blue robot.

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Posted in Escapist News Network | 4 Comments »

Rejected ENN Stories – Jan 20, 2010
January 20th, 2010

Posted by Jeremy

Every week, Paul, Graham, Kathleen and I get together to write ENN. Over the week, each of us actually writes stories separately, then we get together on Fridays to choose what to use, what to revise, etc. Sometimes the stories we throw out aren’t very good; other times, they are too obscure for a wider audience. Even so, sometimes very good stories have to be thrown out because there is just not enough space for them in the episode. Here are some of those stories for this week’s episode:

Mega Man 10

Japanese magazine CoroCoro has revealed the names and abilities of the evil robots in Capcom’s upcoming Mega Man 10. While the roster mostly consists of predictable entries, like Blade Man and Chill Man, a few, like the “Thunder Wool”” wielding Sheep Man have Mega Man enthusiasts scratching their heads. Capcom Character Designer Keiji Inafune defended the choice saying, “What? Sheep are scary! With their big horns and magical lightening powers, who knows what they’re up to?”

Coming this Fall!

While many developers are working on Project Natal games, a feature by developer trade publication Develop, has revealed that many companies are concerned Natal will need a “killer game” to ensure market success. According the feature, only one company has shown extreme enthusiasm for Natal — NBC-Comcast, who are looking to premiere “Naltarded!” a hidden camera show of gamers using the Natal in its 10pm weeknight timeslot this fall as a replacement for the Jay Leno Show.

Halotar

Director James Cameron has rebutted allegations that his hugely successful film ‘Avatar’ references the visual style and technology of Halo, noting that Halo itself draws heavy inspiration from his own properties, most notabily Aliens. Reports as of today place Cameron at a playground near Bungie Studios’ Kirkland, Washington offices, in an attempt to confront founder Jason Jones on so-called neutral ground. “My daddy” noted Cameron “Could totally beat up his daddy”, as he put down his backpack and ET thermos in preparation for the altercation.

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Posted in Escapist News Network | 9 Comments »

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