After a couple weeks off, in which–because we were writing entirely collaboratively–we did not generate any rejected ENN stories, the feature is back … and with a vengeance.

For those new to the party, every week, Paul, Graham, Kathleen and I get together to write ENN. Over the week, each of us actually writes stories separately, then we commune on Fridays to choose what to use, what to revise, etc. Sometimes the stories we throw out aren’t very good; other times, they are too obscure for a wider audience. Even so, sometimes very good stories have to be rejected because there is just not enough space for them in the episode. Here are several such stories from this week’s episode:

99 Red Balloons

Heavy Rain star Pascal Langdale has founded his own motion capture studio to protect fellow performers from having to say “Jason” ever again.

Some Friend You Are

Blizzard is offering a new mount to players who participate in its WOW Recruit a Friend program, stating that as interest in the initiatve falls off, new nuggets of online crack are required to draw more people into their diabolical skinner box.

Define “Baller”

Def Jam Rapstar will be released this fall, and will feature explanations for the slang and terminology used in the rap lyrics, which will enable every white kid from Salt Lake City to Topeka to call himself an O.G. Thug by Christmas.

Can’t Stop the Rock

Luxury phone maker Mobiado has released a concept phone carved out of a solid piece of marble. While making a portable device out of a large chunk of rock may seem counterintuitive, the company feels that critics are overlooking the underserved “Sisyphus-on-the-go” demographic.

MGS: Product Walker (Kathleen’s take on it)

For the record, the sponsorship joke in this episode came about because I wrote three different versions of the same story, each with a different joke. I wasn’t sure which was funnier, so I just submitted all of them, and this inspired the “ENN sells out” angle for this week’s episode. Kathleen ALSO submitted her own story based on the same news stories, which didn’t work for the sponsorship joke because it followed a very different format. That said, I think it’s funnier than mine by itself :P.

Hideo Kojima has justified the heavy product placement in Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker, by saying that “Snake seeing a Pepsi Max in the jungle is a way to surprise players.” Games industry analysts with thesauruses were quick to point out that other words for “surprise” are “bewilder” “dumbfound” and “ruin the immersive experience of”, so Kojima may have simply been the victim of bad translation.